Starvation Diary No 2
by callosum
Summary: Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World. Complete!
1. Day One

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Er...Sanji's mouth? [There will be LOTS of swearing in this story, just to let you know, so please don't read if you don't like that kind of thing. Thank you.]

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Day One**

* * *

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

I stare at the contents of the barrel, and a hollow pit of dread forms in my stomach. This can't be happening. This is not fucking happening.

I dash over to the next barrel and rip its lid open. The same rotting smell. My heart begins to pound, and I open the other three barrels we got from the last island. A hand reaches up from my stomach and closes around my heart, and I suddenly find it hard to breathe. The strength leaves my body and I slump down to the floor of the hold, burying my head in my hands.

I'm suddenly eleven again, back on that accursed rock, the gnawing feeling of hunger consuming my every waking thought. I'm too weak to move, and I know I'm going to die there. There is no ship on the horizon coming to save us. No hope.

But this time the feeling of hopelessness is mixed with something else. Something worse.

Guilt.

Why didn't I collect more food back on that last island? Cure more meat? Check that the fruit was okay? If only Chopper hadn't rushed us away from that abandoned village...but then I dismiss the thought. It's not Chopper's fault. _I'm_ the cook. _I'm_ in charge of the food supply.

Which means I've failed my crew.

I've failed Luffy.

"Shit geezer, what do I do now?" I whisper.

I almost jump when I hear his voice boom back at me, even if it's my own head talking. "Nobody's dead yet. You worry too much, little eggplant. Now get back to work." I can almost feel the accompanying kick in the pants.

Shit geezer, always telling me not to worry. I guess I used to overreact a lot whenever I saw food getting wasted. To me, wasted food meant that someone would starve to death.

I guess I still overreact sometimes.

I look around the hold. Maybe it's not so bad. These barrels have to be written off, but we still have the cured meats from the last island, and we have some provisions left over from one before.

The question is, how long can I make these stretch?

The New World really is a whole new world, completely different from the first half of the Grand Line. It feels empty...like a graveyard, I guess. The Pirates' Graveyard. The islands are further apart than before - we've travelled a whole month between islands (_real_ fun entertaining Luffy on that voyage) - and we go ages without seeing other ships. With nobody at the abandoned village to tell us how far it is to the next island, how long this leg will last is anybody's guess.

I glance over the stores again and make a quick mental calculation. There are nine of us on board. Luffy eats enough for five, but he can suffer with three helpings. That makes eleven mouths to feed.

Two weeks. I can make this stretch two weeks. And who knows what will happen in two weeks? We may make landfall in three days, for all I know. Nobody's dead yet. This is just a new challenge for me, as a cook of the sea.

But...what if it takes longer than two weeks till the next island, like that one time? I wish we didn't have so many crew members. If it were just the five of us who entered the Grand Line...oh, but then we wouldn't have Robin-chan on board. Scratch that thought.

But there's an idea. There's nine of us on board, but not all of us have to eat. One less mouth may make the difference between life and death.

I reach down and tighten my belt. If I'd known that pork broth was the last thing I'd eat till the next island, I'd have savoured it more.

Too bad. It's my own fault.

So long as I can keep the others fed...

So long as I can do my duty as the Sunny's cook...

I'll do anything.

Even starve.

_Day one._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Thank you to everyone who helped me decide to continue with the 1st person POV format, in particular to dandy for her advice on making Sanji properly foul-mouthed.**  
**


	2. Day Three

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Sanji's mouth, for sure.

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Day Three**

* * *

Two days already and no one's found me out. Congratulations, Sanji. Smooth as always.

I've only asked Nami-san when we'll next reach land five times today, so she hasn't noticed anything.

I've gotten Usopp and Luffy to fish more, without arousing suspicion. I'm not hoping for much from those jerks. They spend most of their fishing time asleep. We're also out of bait.

Which is why I've privately asked Franky to invent a device that scoops fish straight out of the water. He's so taken by the idea he doesn't even ask why I need one so suddenly. I hope he comes up with something soon.

I've been avoiding Chopper. He's always so worried about our health, I'm sure he'll notice eventually. So I can't give him a chance to notice.

I've even more afraid of Robin-chan, she's always so wonderfully observant. But avoiding Robin-chwan would be ridiculous. So I make sure I'm my usual suave self around her, and I'm sure she hasn't noticed any change.

Even though I'm trying hard to suppress my growing irritability. The rumbling in my stomach isn't so bad yet, but it's annoying as hell. And on a ship filled with irritations, it's hard not to blow my top - but I have to suppress my temper, or someone will pick up on it.

It's hardest at mealtimes. Watching the others eat gets me annoyed, when they rush through their meal without savouring the flavour, or worse, when they play with their food or pick at it. Don't they know it's precious? The only thing standing between them and death?

I guess I didn't exactly tell them. I don't _want _to tell them.

So I bash their heads in and force them to eat every scrap. Except for Luffy - with him, I have to stop him stealing food from the others. And I have to be firm about not giving him fourth and fifth helpings, even though I feel like crap when I tell him no.

Then he calls me a meanie, which does nothing for my mood.

Good thing there's one person on this ship I can safely vent my irritation on. Zoro. We're always fighting anyway, so no one takes any notice when I attack him after lunch. And the bastard's so oblivious to everything, I don't have to worry about him noticing anything.

Thank goodness for the marimo.

Fuck, did I just say that?

Brain, forget I ever said that.

You said, thank goodness for the marimo.

I said, forget it!

Terrific. My brain's mocking me. Shit, I'm more tired than I think.

Still, I'm pretty proud that even without having eaten for a couple of days, I can still match the asshole.

I'm not sure I can take another bout with him today though. I'm feeling pretty tired. And feeling irritable again.

Well, thank goodness cigarettes don't rot. I'm pretty sure they're gonna save my life.


	3. Day Four

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Sanji AND Zoro's mouths

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Day Four**

* * *

I put the finishing touches on my veal blanquette and set it down in the middle of the table. Well, it's not exactly veal, some obscure Grand Line creature, but it's close enough no one will notice. It's a masterpiece, even if I do say so myself. If I have to make the others eat smaller quantities of food, the least I can do is make up for it in quality.

I really, really wish I could have some of it...all of it. My stomach loudly voices its agreement. But I turn resolutely away and head for the galley door.

"Lunch for the lovely ladies! You louts can come eat too," I call.

Luffy is first to the door, as usual, but I keep him from entering until Robin-chan comes up, a smile on her beautiful face. "I'll keep him from starting before you're ready," she says in her wonderfully low voice, and my heart gives a lurch. I'm in love. I know it. I open my mouth to declare it -

And the others storm the galley and Robin-chwan moves gracefully aside.

Damn the lot of them. Minus Nami-san of course. And...the marimo, who isn't here.

"Where's that marimo bastard?"

"I heard him doing his exercises up in the crow's nest," Usopp volunteers.

"At this hour?" He usually takes a nap before lunch.

"I guess Zoro didn't hear you. Want me to go call him, Sanji-kun?" Nami-san asks. How wonderfully kind she is!

"I wouldn't dream of troubling you, Nami-san," I say in an affectionate voice. "I'll go call him." I head out the door and climb the mast. Just as Usopp said, I can hear the shithead swinging his absurd weights about.

"Oi, bastard! Lunch!" I poke my head through the hatch.

"I'm busy," the marimo grunts.

"You wanna eat or not?"

He waves a weight at me dismissively. "Put a plate aside for me and I'll eat it later."

I know better than to argue with Zoro while he's training. I let loose some choice epithets, which pass right over his idiot head, and return to the galley.

"Where's Zoro?" Luffy asks.

"He says he'll eat later." I scoop some food up from each dish and set it aside, then let the gannets loose.

The food's gone within minutes. So much for my hours of work. At least they have the consideration to thank me for the meal.

I glance at Zoro's plate. At least they had the consideration to _eat_ the damn meal. Stupid marimo bastard.

All through my washing up, the plate calls out to me. I ought to just eat it and teach him a lesson. Where the hell is he, anyway? It's been a whole fucking hour. Just how long does the shithead have to train, anyway?

The galley door opens and closes and I jump. I turn around and see Zoro behind me, his hair tousled and his eyes sleepy. He went and took a fucking _nap_?

"What the hell took you so long? Your food's gone cold."

"It's not like you can't heat it up again," he replies.

"You enjoy making more work for me?" I ask, my temper rising.

"Sure," the marimo smirks.

I lose it. I grip my cigarette tighter between my teeth and swing my leg around at his chest. But this time he doesn't dodge, or block, or take out his swords. Instead he grabs my leg with one hand and rips me off balance. I blink disbelievingly up at him from the floor, too surprised to counter. This isn't the way our fights are supposed to go. I can usually match him, sometimes even get the upper hand. What the fuck just happened?

"You may be crap, cook, but you're not usually this much crap." I expect the marimo to sound triumphant, but instead his voice sounds...disgusted with my lack of fight. I prepare a typically sharp and witty retort, but before I can use it against him he continues, "How long's it been since you last ate?"

The words die in my mouth and I feel myself start to tremble. He knows. And Zoro's not the type to forgive.

"How much food do we have left?" he presses. His eyes aren't sleepy anymore. They're narrowed, dangerous.

I pull myself to my feet. If I'm going to confess, I'm going to do it standing. "Three days. And...about twelve."

I brace myself for the explosion. Zoro's more protective of the crew than anyone.

"So you decided to go and be a martyr and starve yourself?" he says angrily.

Well, that's not quite the reaction I expected.

"What the hell..." I begin, but he interrupts. Rudely.

"Trouble with you is, you're always too damn ready to sacrifice yourself."

Congratulations, marimo. You've officially rendered me speechless for the first time ever. Is he trying to fuck with me? But he looks 100% serious.

Oh wait, this is the marimo idiot we're dealing with, remember? He wouldn't know what irony was if it came up and bit him in the ass.

He'd probably still draw a sword and cut it to pieces though.

"_You_'re calling _me_ self-sacrificing? I have two words for you: Thriller Bark."

He acts like he's never heard the name before, though I know he'll never forget it. "Whatever." He picks up his plate and shoves it into my hands. "You can starve yourself tomorrow. But you're eating this now."

"What? But I..." _I'm_ the cook, dammit! _I'm_ supposed to keep you guys fed!

"I can do without one meal." That's true enough. Zoro has bulk to spare. And the veal's calling to me.

"Besides, it's no fun fighting you while you're this weak."

"We drew yesterday," I point out, feeling defensive.

"I don't use all my strength to hunt a rabbit," Zoro smirks. I recognise the quote from Mihawk.

Bastard. But there's something else on my mind.

"You're...not angry? For not making sure we have enough food?" Shit, I sound like a kid asking his dad for forgiveness.

Zoro shrugs. "Shit happens. You can't anticipate everything." An unusually mature reaction from the idiot. I feel a rush of gratitude, and I hope it doesn't show on my face. I reheat the food quickly and cross over to the table.

I eat slowly. It _is_ a masterpiece. Totally worth starving three days for. I almost want to cry, but I can't with the marimo sitting across from me, drinking his crap grog, watching me like a hawk. Like he wants to make sure I finish everything on my plate.

He doesn't need to worry about _that_.

When I finish and lick my lips, Zoro speaks again. "Did Nami say anything about how far to the next island?"

"Weather hasn't stabilised, so it could be any length of time."

"And we're out of bait so we can't catch any fish."

I'm surprised he knows. But then he does spend a lot of time out on deck.

"The nets were no use either. The fish around here are so tiny they just slip right through. And...well...you've seen the stocks left in the tank."

"Yeah."

We're both silent for a moment, and finally Zoro speaks. "Right, I've decided." A wolfish grin appears on his face. I hate that grin. The I'm-about-to-do-something-monumentally-stupid-for-the-sake-of-my-dream grin. I brace myself for more imbecility.

"It's time for some endurance training."

He's not thinking what I think he's thinking, is he?

"Endurance training? Oi, idiot, what the hell are you..."

"Till we get a big catch, or reach the next island, I'm not eating anything."

That fucking idiot!

"No way! I'm the cook here, and I'm not going to let anyone starve on this ship, least of all you!" Zoro arches an eyebrow.

Way to go Sanji, nice choice of words.

"Not even you!" I hastily amend, and I feel my cheeks redden.

"Do what you want, cook, but it's not like you can force me to eat if I don't want to," the marimo drawls.

"With the amount of training you do, there's no way you can go any length of time without eating!" I protest.

"That's why they call it endurance training, dumbass," Zoro smirks.

"You're gonna take what you're given and eat it!"

"I won't eat it, and then it'd be wasted, wouldn't it?" Zoro heads for the door.

"Oi, marimo bastard."

"What?"

"You...you don't know what it's like, starving...you won't last."

"Wanna bet?" That feral grin again. Damn idiot's always so confident of his own strength.

I know he's won. When Zoro decides to be stubborn, he's really stubborn.

And if he doesn't eat either...that buys us another day and a half.

"Thanks for the meal," he smirks, and heads out the door.

Maybe he does know what irony is after all.

God, I hate the arrogant bastard. But it's good not to be alone.


	4. Day Seven

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Not as much swearing in this one, but it is Sanji, you know...

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Day Seven**

* * *

"ZOROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The cry is followed by a rush of footsteps and footsqueaks and a patch of green flashes past the porthole of the galley. I don't pay it any attention. I know exactly what's happening. It was a few days ago that Zoro announced his new "training plans" to the crew. Everyone just shrugged and left it to him. Zoro's the expert on self-torture, after all.

Everyone, that is, except Chopper, who is appalled at the idiot marimo's decision to starve himself _and_ train his ass off at the same time. He's been badgering Zoro about it since Zoro missed his second meal with the crew.

So here they are, on their twentieth lap around the ship.

I'm jolted out of my cigarette-induced reverie by a guttural, animal howl and a yell from Zoro. Then I hear a heavy footfall outside the galley and Chopper stomps in, in Heavy Point, the struggling marimo slung over his shoulder. I stare as our good doctor dumps Zoro unceremoniously on the floor. The marimo picks himself up immediately and catches my eye, his glare daring me to laugh.

I don't.

It _would_ be fucking hilarious...if only it weren't my goddamn fault.

"Sanji! Feed Zoro!" Chopper demands, shrinking back to his usual form.

"Dammit, Chopper, I told you..."

"I don't care about your training regimen, you have to keep up your strength! Sanji, please..." Chopper turns beseeching eyes on me.

God, I feel like a piece of shit.

"Oi, cook. Do something about this," Zoro growls, his voice disgruntled. He's covered up for me long enough.

I sigh and lean back against the counter. I guess as the ship's doctor, Chopper has a right to know.

I take a long drag on my cigarette and look over at Chopper. "Fact is, Chopper...I can't spare Zoro any food right now." Actually, I can, but the bastard won't eat it – and our reserves will dwindle even faster.

"Huh? But why?"

Chopper stares at me through wide child-like eyes, and I curse myself for having to take away his innocence.

"We're running out," I explain. "We only have ten days of food left. And we don't know how far it is to the next island."

"But...why? How?"

"All our fruits and vegetables from that last island spoiled. We're running on the meat we cured there, and whatever provisions we have left from the island before."

Chopper gasps. "And that's why Zoro...?"

"Don't look at me, he started it," the marimo says.

Chopper whips around to look at me, wide-eyed. "Sanji, you too?"

"Er...yeah."

An uncomfortable silence falls. Chopper twiddles his hooves, I smoke my cigarette, and Zoro...maybe he's napping or something.

Finally Chopper says, "Why didn't you tell us?"

I hesitate, searching for the words to explain. Not for the first time, I wonder why Zoro's never asked me that. He just took it as a given that it was going to be a secret from the rest of the crew. Maybe he doesn't want the others to worry either. But I can't claim that as my real motive. "Well, you see..."

"It's...because it's my fault, isn't it?" Chopper says in a small voice.

"Huh?" I'm jolted out of my train of thought, and I look down at our doctor, bewildered.

"_I'm_ the one who told you guys not to go into that village. _I_ hurried you guys away from the island, when we could have spent more time collecting food!"

"Chopper, it's not..."

"It might have been okay! I mean, I didn't know for sure that the village was abandoned because of disease, maybe we could have safely taken their provisions..." Chopper sounds distraught.

"Chopper..." I try to interrupt.

"...and there was really no medical reason for getting off the island as quickly as we did because we weren't anywhere near the abandoned village except that the whole island gave me the creeps..."

"Chopper!"

"...so we could have spent more time collecting food, that's why it's all my fault, you see... waaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

It's not like I wanted to hit the little guy with my ladle, but how else am I supposed to get his attention? "Chopper, it's not your fault! It's mine!"

Chopper stops his babbling and stares at me tearfully. "Much as I would like to say it's your fault, I can't. _I'm_ responsible for provisions. _I_ let you hurry us away from that island, so it's my fault. Besides...even if we'd stayed longer, anything extra we collected might have rotted too. I should've made sure we put together more emergency food supply back at the island before last...huh? Chopper?"

Chopper falls to the floor, staring at me with obvious fear in his eyes. I look over at Zoro, but the marimo looks equally puzzled at Chopper's sudden transformation into a ball of trembling fur. I get that he's terrified that we may run out of food – I'm terrified too. But his reaction seems over the top, even for our high-strung, credulous little doctor.

"Chopper, what's the matter?"

More trembling.

"Chopper, it's not that bad, we do have some stocks of food left, you know...meat especially..."

Even more violent trembling.

I guess we'll have to wait the panic attack out. Or I could just bash him over the head with my ladle again.

I'm not a patient man, unless we're talking girls.

Chopper is very decidedly not a girl.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Chopper cringes away, but it looks like I've gotten through. His frantic breaths turn into hiccups, and I offer him a glass of water to calm himself.

He accepts the glass, drinks it, wipes away his tears. Finally he looks us in the eye, and I'm surprised to see determination on his face.

"So, what's the matter, Chopper?" I say encouragingly.

The words come out so fast I can barely parse them.

"I-know-I'm-on-board-as-emergency-food-supply-so-you-can-eat-me-if-it-will-help-the-crew-survive!"

Zoro's eyes narrow and he says, "Say that again, slowly."

"I know I'm on board as emergency food supply so you can eat me if it will help the crew survive," Chopper says, a little softer, a little slower, but no less panicky.

Take three kg of cubed reindeer meat, flour and brown in oil...

Brain, what the fuck are you thinking?

"CHOPPER!" I yell, and I realise the marimo's joined in too.

"If I'm in Heavy Point I bet I can last you guys a couple weeks..." Chopper continues.

I exchange glances with Zoro, and when I see the look in his eyes I decide to let him take care of it. He takes one step forward and grabs Chopper by the scruff of his shirt. "Waaaaaaaaah!" Chopper squeals as he's hoisted into the air, face to face with a very irate Zoro.

"Chopper, don't you dare ever suggest something like that again. You're our nakama, not emergency food supply - " Zoro throws an evil look over at me for ever suggesting the thought to our poor gullible doctor - "and we are never going to eat you, or do anything to hurt you. Got that?"

"Oi, shithead, you're already hurting him. Put him down and talk to him normally," I say.

Zoro deposits Chopper on the countertop, and Chopper bursts into tears.

"See? You made him cry," I say dryly, though I know Chopper's probably just relieved we're not going to eat him.

Zoro sighs, and gives Chopper a pat on the back.

"A-a-a-are you m-m-m-mad at m-m-me?" Chopper blubbers.

"No, Chopper, I'm not mad," Zoro says in a gentler voice than I've ever heard him use on anyone, even if it would count as a growl in anyone else. "But you have to realise that you're an important member of the crew. If we get sick eating you, who would we get to treat us for indigestion?"

The little joke sets Chopper laughing through his tears, and I shake my head. When it comes to Chopper, Zoro's just a big softie. I file the incident away as ammo for later. But, much as I hate to admit it, the marimo has a point. Chopper's crises of self-confidence happen a little too often. And when he works himself into a funk, he thinks he doesn't deserve to be on the crew.

As if we could do without the best doctor in the world.

And if anyone doesn't deserve to be on the crew...it's me.

Chopper wipes the tears from his eyes and looks up at us brightly. Good, he's back to normal.

"I still wish I could do something though...maybe I could not eat, like you guys?" He actually sounds eager. If he only knew what he's getting himself into...

I glance over at Zoro, and he shrugs. Apparently this one's up to me. Why do _I_ have to be the mom?

I desperately wish I don't have to do this. I want to just tell him no, even though it would buy us more time. Chopper's only fifteen, he needs to be properly fed. But I know that Chopper's been desperately trying to grow up, and it would mean a lot to him to play his part.

I make my decision. "We'll put you on half-rations. You're still growing, so you can't go without food completely. But if you're okay with half, it'll be a big help, Chopper."

"Okay! I've no problem with that!"

"Great, thanks, Chopper," I say gratefully, though with a twinge of guilt.

"Now...as for you two."

Damn, it's Chopper's doctor voice. The transformation is just as sudden as Chopper's breakdown two minutes ago. I'm starting to think all of Chopper's different forms may be making him schizophrenic.

"Sanji, if you're going to go without food, you shouldn't smoke so much. Your body will absorb more toxins on an empty stomach."

My jaw drops. Cigarettes are my lifeline right now, I'd be completely miserable without them.

"But Chopper..." I plead.

"And Zoro, training without eating is silly. The energy needs to come from somewhere, and if it's not from food then your body's going to start breaking down your own muscles for fuel. So if you're not going to eat, you're going to have to cut down on your training."

The marimo looks as horrified as I feel.

"But Chopper..." he pleads.

"No buts! I'm going to go make up some medicine for you two, to boost your immune systems. Come see me in the infirmary in half an hour." Chopper squeaks away eagerly. Eager to concoct some bitter-tasting liquid to poison us with, that is.

"Well, that went well," I say, lighting another cigarette and sucking on it fiercely. I've gotta go talk to Chopper before he takes it into his head to tell the whole crew, but I have my priorities right.

"I'm gonna get some training in while he's distracted," the marimo says.

We share a nod of understanding and he heads off.

There are few things in the world that can make me and the marimo relate, but dealing with an over-protective worrywart of a doctor seems to be one of them.


	5. Day Seven Point Five

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Everyone was getting along until Luffy came along and Sanji started swearing again. Also, this is a fluff chapter in more ways than one!

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Day 7.5**

* * *

I blink up at the dark ceiling, my senses tingling. The galley is under attack, I know it. I glance over at Luffy's hammock and I'm surprised to see that it's occupied. Who else could be raiding the kitchen?

I swing my legs over the side and get up quietly, taking another glance around the room. Marimo's there...Usopp...Franky...Brook...wait, where's Chopper? It's not his watch already, is it?

Well, it's not like I'm going to get any more sleep tonight anyway. I head off to the galley, taking care not to wake anyone up. As I near the galley I hear sounds of a struggle. I open the door and flick on the light to see...

"Chopper?" I say quietly.

Chopper freezes in the middle of trying to pry the fridge door open. He gawks at me for a moment, then scuttles away behind a table leg, hiding the wrong way, as usual.

"What's the matter, Chopper? Hungry?" I try to keep my voice level, even as my temper rises.

Of course he's hungry - he only had half-portions for lunch and dinner, and he can't be used to the reduced rations yet. If I'd provided enough for the crew...if Chopper hadn't found out...this wouldn't be happening.

But even with my voice level, Chopper bursts into tears. "I'm sorry, Sanji! I - I was so hungry I couldn't sleep! And I..."

"It's okay, Chopper. It's only natural to feel hungry. I'll make up something for you to eat, okay?"

"N-n-n-no! I don't want anything! I said I'd go on half-rations, so I will!" Chopper really is growing up, but still...

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't have a little midnight snack." It's the least I can do for the little fella.

"Is that what you've been doing, Sanji? Eating snacks?"

"No, not really."

"You've really eaten nothing for - how long?"

"Four days, same as Zoro."

"How do you and Zoro stand it? I've been on half-rations for only a day and I'm starving!"

"I'm used to it, I guess. And Zoro...is Zoro." Actually he's a masochistic moron, but Chopper doesn't need to hear that.

"I wish I was as strong as the two of you," Chopper sniffs.

"I'm sure you will be, someday." I unlock the fridge door and look inside, pondering what to make Chopper.

"It's okay, Sanji! I'm going to be strong, like you and Zoro! So I don't need anything. I'll wait till breakfast. Really." There's that look of determination again, but he still looks a bit forlorn. Well, no one ever said Chopper's good at hiding his feelings.

No way am I letting Chopper leave the galley looking like that, or feeling like that. I'm going to put the smile back on his face. And I have an idea of how to do it.

"Even if I make you cotton candy?" There aren't many ways for me to use the sugar stocks we do have, anyway, and it'll give him some energy, even if it isn't exactly filling.

"Cotton candy?" Chopper says slowly.

"You're on watch next, aren't you? So I don't have to worry about it keeping you up."

"You know how to make cotton candy, Sanji?"

Chopper's looking at me like I'm some sort of god. Guess it's time to bust out the cotton candy machine I got Franky to make for Chopper. I was planning to unveil it on his birthday, but I guess I'll have to find another present.

If we even make it to Chopper's birthday.

I brush aside the depressing thought and force a smile on my face. "Of course I do! Now, where did I put it..." I dig around in the shelves under the sink and haul it out. "Let's see...all we have to do is add sugar...Chopper, you wanna help?"

"Can I really?" Chopper skips over happily and I pick him up and put him on the counter.

"Pour a cup of sugar down this hole, and don't spill any, okay?" I say, talking to him rather as I would to a four-year-old.

"Okay!" Chopper expertly measures out a cup and pours it in slowly but precisely, not a grain spilling out. I have to remind myself that being a doctor, he does this sort of thing all the time.

Like today, when he made us that awful-tasting medicine. Speaking of which... "Hey, Chopper, have you ever considered adding sugar to your medicine?"

"Sugar? In medicine?" Chopper looks at me like I've suggested pairing red wine with sea king.

"Yeah, you know, 'a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down'? Ever heard of that?"

"No, I didn't. Does it really?"

Huh. I kinda assumed everyone knew that. Shit geezer used to say it all the time.

"Of course! Nobody likes bitter medicine," I reply.

"Not even you and Zoro?"

"_Especially_ Zoro. Remember?"

Chopper giggles, and I laugh too as we recall how vigorously Zoro protested against drinking Chopper's potion until Chopper and I finally forced it down his throat. Honestly, the marimo turns into a total pansy when he's in the infirmary.

"But seriously, you've never even considered adding sugar before?" I say when we've finished wiping the tears from our eyes.

"No. I make my medicines the way Doctorine taught me."

Well, that explains it. The difference between the shit geezer and that evil old witch is that his job is to make things taste good, while her hobby is making her patients suffer.

"Are you okay, Sanji?" Chopper suddenly asks, and I realise that I'm wincing. Just thinking about the witch makes my back ache. No reason Chopper has to follow in her footsteps.

"It's nothing. Anyway, you should try adding sugar next time," I advise. "_Unless_ it's for Zoro." After all, Chopper's not the only one around here who needs to man up.

Chopper giggles. "Okay, I will! Sanji, I've put the sugar in. What do we do now?"

I take a look at Franky's instructions. "Let's see...we just have to switch it on and crank it up!"

"Oh! Let me! Let me!" Chopper eagerly takes hold of the crank and turns it vigorously.

"Oi, oi, good job, Chopper, that's quick work. It's already making floss. Grab that stick, and I'll turn the crank. Just put the stick in the bowl and pick up the cotton candy. No, the other direction. That's it." Soon Chopper has a stickful of cotton candy, and he's so excited he can barely speak.

"Eat it quick, before it cools down," I say, and I watch as Chopper happily eats his cotton candy.

"Sanji, this is so good!" His eyes sparkle.

Relief swells in my chest. It's the best I've felt about myself since Day One. It's not haute cuisine, but he's happy, and that's what counts.

The galley door swings open and we look up. "Luffy? What are you doing up?"

"You're making midnight snacks, Sanji? In that case, meat for me!"

I sigh. Just when I was feeling good about myself. I guess it's time to clue Luffy in a little on the situation. "Luffy, our food stocks are limited and we have no idea how far it is to the next island. So we have to ration ourselves a little. Okay?"

"Oh." Luffy looks serious - the idea of not having any meat is the one thing that would make him serious - so I guess he got the message. "Then..." He takes off his hat and makes a puppy-dog face at me. "Sanji, please may I have some meat?"

"That's not what rationing means, dumbass!" I roar. For the ten thousandth time, why do I even follow such a captain?

"No meat?" he asks, still with that pleading look on his face.

I harden my heart. "No!"

"But Sanji, I'm really hungry," Luffy whines.

"You already eat thrice as much as anyone!"

"But I need it to keep up my strength!"

I know, Luffy, I know. That's the only reason why I haven't starved the shit out of you yet.

"You've been really stingy lately, Sanji. Right, Chopper?"

Chopper looks at me wide-eyed. He's promised not to tell anyone - I've cleverly invoked doctor-patient confidentiality to keep him from saying anything about our circumstances to the rest of the crew - so he can't defend me by explaining the situation. "Um, well, even if you can't have meat, there's still some cotton candy you can have, Luffy! Look, there's still some more in the bowl!"

Luffy brightens up. Chopper shows him how to twirl the cotton candy onto the stick, and Luffy glomps it down in one bite. "This is good!"

It's only then that I realise my mistake. I've let Luffy eat cotton candy. Luffy plus pure sugar. Luffy, even more hyper than his usual hyper self. In the middle of the night. While everyone's sleeping.

"Yahoooooooooo! I feel great! Chopper, let's go play a game of catch!"

"That sounds like fun!" Chopper responds, and they're out the door before I can even react.

"Oi, you two! Stop it, before you wake everyone up!" I yell as a chortling Luffy chases a giggling Chopper around the deck. The disgruntled sounds of the crew getting disturbed from their repose filter up from the sleeping quarters. Then the door to the ladies' quarters slams open and Nami-san emerges. Those dumbasses woke Nami-san up from her beauty sleep! Not that Nami-san needs beauty sleep of course. She looks especially cute right now, with that angry look on her face.

"What the hell is going on here?" she asks in her dulcet tones.

"Sanji made cotton candy! It's really good!" Luffy shouts back, still after Chopper.

"Sanji-kun, you gave _Luffy_ cotton candy?"

"I apologise, Nami-san!" I pant as I chase the sugar-fuelled pair around the deck.

"Well, you'd better shut the two of them up! If the ship's not totally silent in two minutes, I'm adding ten thousand beli to your debt!"

"Hai, Nami-san! It is an honour to be in debt to you!" I say gallantly.

Nami-san returns to her quarters, and I return to my goddess-given task. "Oi, you shitheads! Stop it right there!"

"Oh, Sanji's playing too? Let's get away, Chopper!"

"Okay, Luffy!" They put on even more speed, while I begin to slow down. Seven days with only one meal have really taken their toll. I begin to despair of ever catching them, but two hands suddenly emerge from the deck and grab them by the ankles. They trip, I catch up, give them each a dose of Anti-Manner Kick Course. They're quiet at last. I look up at my saviour.

"It looked like you needed a hand, Cook-san," Robin-chan says, descending gracefully from the Crow's Nest.

"Thank you a million times for your assistance, Robin-chan!" I say with deepest gratitude.

"It's Doctor-san's watch now. Would you mind waking him up for that?"

"I will make sure the ship is adequately guarded, Robin-chan!"

"Good night, Cook-san." It sounds so wonderful when Robin-chan says it.

"Good night, Robin-chaaaaan!" I coo lovingly.

As she, too, disappears into the ladies' quarters, I look down at the two shitheads who caused all the trouble. Chopper is out cold, so I guess I have to take over his watch for him. As for Luffy...fuck it, if Chopper's going on half-rations, Luffy can eat for two instead of three. He has way too much energy anyway.

It'll make mealtimes a real struggle, but I think I can hold firm. If he doesn't put that puppy-dog expression on again.

I light a cigarette, more to calm myself than anything else. Honestly, why do I follow a half-wit captain like Luffy? He's a bottomless pit, would eat anything if it seemed remotely edible, steals food from others, he's never serious about anything, acts like a kid all the time...

But I know that there will surely come a day when Luffy will do something so unexpected, so outrageous, so _great_, that I'll be reminded all over again why he's going to be Pirate King.

If my stupidity doesn't destroy his dream first.

* * *

**Acknowledgments:**

_Honestly, the marimo turns into a total pansy when he's in the infirmary. _

The idea for this bit comes from a nice little one-shot by IzumiTheMoogle called "Strong" that talks about how Zoro might be afraid of needles. I figured, why not go the whole hog and have him hate everything to do with medicine, including taking it. Thanks, Izumi!


	6. Day Eight

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Some internal swearing.

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Day Eight  


* * *

**

"Sanji-kun!"

My heart leaps. Ah, the joy of being summoned by Nami-san in the mid-afternoon!

"Coming, Nami-san!" I shimmer up to the mikan grove, where the ladies are sitting on deckchairs. "Nami-san! Robin-chan! May I get you something? Coffee, perhaps?"

Nami-san comes straight to the point as usual. "Sanji-kun, how many days of food do we have left?"

I gulp. Of all my nakama, Nami-san and Robin-chan are the ones I least wanted to find out. But I cannot lie to the angels of the ship.

"At the rate we're eating, twelve days," I admit.

Nami-san and Robin-chan exchange serious glances. Nami-san's face twitches in anger, and my heart aches for having disappointed her.

"And just how long were you planning on going without telling us?"

I stare at them, shell-shocked. I don't understand it. Everyone seems to be mad at me for completely the wrong reasons. Aren't they upset that I didn't plan ahead enough? Aren't they afraid of starving to death?

"What's the matter, Sanji-kun?"

I guess I must look really ashamed of myself, because Nami-san says reassuringly, "It's not the first time we've run out of food, and we haven't even run out of it yet. There's no need to overreact."

There is! Back then it was different. We knew it would only be a few more days to Arabasta. But now...it's like back on that rock, when we didn't know when a ship would appear. _Whether_ a ship would ever appear. And back then, it wasn't my fault either. But now...

But my self-recriminations are overshadowed by another feeling – gratitude. The very fact that they asked shows that Nami-san and Robin-chan noticed about me. It shows that they care, and I'm deeply touched.

"Nami-san and Robin-chan are so wonderfully perceptive!" I coo.

The ladies exchange another glance.

"What is there to be perceptive about, Cook-san?" Robin-chan asks.

"Zoro said outright he was going on his ridiculous training regimen," Nami-san points out.

"Zoro...?"

"Four days without food is excessive even for Swordsman-san, so we knew that something must be wrong."

My jaw drops. So...it's the shitty marimo they're worried about? They didn't notice about me at all? They don't care?

My soul plunges into the very depths of despair.

Even _Zoro_ noticed.

What the fuck are you trying to imply, brain?

Zoro _cares_!

Let's not go there.

I reach out and catch my cigarette before it falls to the floor, and pull myself together to my usual suave self. "Ah, I like Nami-san when she's like this!" I coo. Even when she's being considerate about the marimo, Nami-san is wonderful.

Nami-san and Robin-chan giggle. "Honestly, Sanji-kun, you're so easy to fool!" Nami-san says gently. "It's obvious that you've been starving yourself too. It's written all over your face." She gives me a hand mirror, and I'm startled to see the shadows under my eyes, the hollowness in my cheeks, and the unhealthy pallor of my skin. No wonder Chopper fussed so much during yesterday's check-up.

"Last night's performance was also a fairly large clue," Robin-chan continues.

"Not to mention that Sanji-kun hasn't offered us afternoon snacks for a week," Nami-san says.

"My apologies, Nami-san, Robin-chan!" I've felt terrible about that ever since I made my decision to cut down on unnecessary meals, which, unfortunately, included my usual afternoon snacks.

"No apologies are needed, Cook-san." They are so wonderfully forgiving, I know I don't deserve it in the slightest.

"I guess it's good timing. Robin and I were thinking of going on a diet anyway, weren't we, Robin?"

Robin smiles and nods, but I'm horrified. I can't let the beauties waste away into mere skin and bones, with no curves to admire...

"But, Nami-san! Robin-chan! There'll be less of you to love!" I protest.

"Don't be silly, Sanji-kun, we can easily manage with half-rations. We'll share with you and Zoro, that way you guys can maintain your strength in case anything happens."

For a moment, I dream of Nami-san and me sharing a long strand of spaghetti, each of us slurping on one end until our lips meet in the middle in one passionate kiss.

Then I snap out of it. I can't! I won't!

"I'm sorry, Nami-san, Robin-chan, but I cannot steal food from a lady."

Nami-san tuts impatiently. "It's not stealing, Sanji-kun, it's common sense!"

"It would still be taking rations you could eat, and I couldn't do it, Nami-san! I had a strict upbringing!" Shit geezer would kill me if he ever found out.

Nami-san looks beautifully annoyed for a moment, then she sighs, "Fine. Until we get more food, I'll relax my rules. You guys can have a free run of the mikan grove."

Nami-san's precious mikans! I didn't even think to factor them into my calculations. They aren't food, they're sacred to the memory of Nami-san's mother.

Nami-san plucks two mikans from the nearest tree and hands them to me. I stare dumbly at them for a moment, not believing that Nami-san would actually let us eat them. She's always said that the most important things to her are maps, money and her mikans. I feel humbled to be permitted to eat even one.

I look around for the marimo. One of these mikans is his, after all. I spot him sleeping by the deck - what else? - conveniently close enough so he's within earshot.

"Oi, Zoro! Catch!" I toss the mikan over, and he plucks it out of the air. I _knew_ the bastard was only pretending to be asleep.

"What's this for?" he yawns.

"For eating, you dumbass! Be grateful that Nami-san is sparing one of her precious mikans for you!"

Zoro examines the mikan for a moment, then he tosses it back at me. "Don't want it. Told you, didn't I? I'm not eating till we get a big catch or come to the next island."

Stupid stubborn ungrateful bastard!

"You two are so irresponsible!" Nami-san scolds. "Don't you realise what's going to happen if we get attacked by anyone? You two and Luffy are our three strongest fighters. If you're are too weak from hunger, how are we going to defend ourselves?"

"Tch. As if I'm going to let myself be defeated by something like this," the marimo growls, settling back into his nap.

"Hungry or not, I will protect you with my life, Nami-san, Robin-chan!" I swear, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to them.

"Yes, Sanji-kun, I know you will. That's what I'm afraid of."

I'm speechless. Nami-san is worried about _me_?

"Well, even if that idiot doesn't want my mikans, you'll eat, won't you, Sanji-kun?"

I wish I could, I really do. But it's not like I deserve such kindness.

"If you don't mind, Nami-san, I'll take these mikans and make up a nice pie for dessert tonight."

"Which you're not going to eat?"

I glance at Zoro. If he's not eating...no way am I going to lose to him. I guess my face says as much, because a flash of annoyance crosses Nami-san's face, and she says, "This isn't another one of your stupid contests, is it?"

I'm not really sure how to answer that. It's not really stupid, since it's conserving food. And it's not like we're giants of Elbaf, fighting about the same thing for a hundred years on end. But then I know what Nami-san thinks of our quarrelling. So I say nothing.

Nami-san sighs, muttering something about "stupid boys", and my heart aches to have given her cause to sigh. "Robin, will you take care of this one? I'll go take care of the other idiot."

"Of course," Robin inclines her head gracefully, and Nami-san glides down the steps towards Zoro.

Take care...? Robin-chan is going to take care of me? I lick my lips, feeling suddenly nervous. My heart begins to pound and the blood rushes to my head.

The mood is thoroughly spoilt two seconds later by a loud crash and the marimo bastard's angry voice. "What the hell was that for, witch?"

Shitty marimo, how dare he speak to Nami-san like that? I open my mouth to yell at him but a hand lifts my chin and rotates my head around to look at Robin-chan, who is standing a few metres away with her hands crossed and a smile playing across her lovely face. "I'm not done with you yet, Cook-san."

I gulp. It's finally happening. My dreams are coming true. This is the moment I've been living for.

Time seems to slow as I watch a hand extend from my chest - Robin-chan's hand! On my chest! - and swat me across a cheek - Robin-chan's hand! Against my cheek! - and then disappear in a shower of petals.

I decide I'm never going to wash my face again.

Robin-chan bestows a sweet smile on me and sweeps down to join Nami-san in the girls' quarters. I stumble down the steps myself, holding a hand to my flushed cheek, replaying the moment over and over in my mind. I probably have a goofy smile on my face, but I don't really care right now.

The marimo's nursing the bump on his head, muttering what I'm sure are obscenities directed at Nami-san. He sees the flush on my face and snorts, "You too, huh?"

"Robin-chan _touched _me," I say dreamily.

Zoro lets out a bark of laughter. "She didn't 'touch' you. She _slapped_ you. There's a difference."

Unromantic lout. What does he know about women?

"Girls have strange ways of expressing their love sometimes," I say, trying to make it sound like I speak from personal experience.

"Huh. If that's how you tell a girl loves you, Nami must love me a helluva lot," Zoro says, rubbing his marimo head.

"What the hell? Nami-san is way out of your league, bastard."

My Nami-san and the marimo. Horror of horrors!

"Yeah. So says the guy whose happiest experience with a girl is getting slapped by one."

As if the ascetic idiot has any happy experiences with girls to speak of.

"That wasn't my happiest experience, you fucking bastard, and it wasn't a slap! It was...a caress!"

"Yeah, right. Just be glad she didn't 'caress' you where she 'caressed' Franky before," Zoro snorts. "Or you'd be..."

I don't hear the end of his sentence. I've already passed out in a delirium of happy imagination.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Some explanations...

_I shimmer up to the mikan grove..._

I was thinking for a while about what Sanji would use to describe his noodle-dancing, and I decided that he might think it's a very cool Jeeves-like "shimmering". (Jeeves is the imperturbable, perfect English butler from P.G. Wodehouse's Jeeves and Wooster books.) So when he shimmers, think noodle-dancing.

_Honestly, Sanji-kun, you're so easy to fool..._

The girls were teasing him, basically.

_If that's how you tell a girl loves you, Nami must love me a helluva lot..._

Oh, Zoro, how oblivious you are... Actually, there's not meant to be any romantic pairings in this story. Pure nakamaship, people!

_where she 'caressed' Franky before..._

I refer you to Chapter 437 of the manga, or Episode 322 of the anime, if you're not sure where exactly Robin "caressed" Franky.

**

* * *

Reader review response:**

Thanks for all the reviews from last time! A couple of reviewers asked about what Brook's going to think, since he doesn't need food. Ah, the dread hand of logic! I guess I shouldn't have boasted about my Excel spreadsheet :-P Particularly as I keep finding stuff that I forgot about, e.g. Nami's mikans, which can totally extend the crew's rations by at least a day or two.

Well, first of all, this isn't a 100% logical story. It's really really hard for the Thousand Sunny to run out of food, in my opinion. It's a ship so they should theoretically be able to catch fish, they have Franky's genius, so he should be able to build them stuff to catch fish with, there's that newspaper delivery bird (not sure if he would still drop by in the New World, but for the purposes of this story we'll say the answer is no), they have a huge aquarium, hold and galley...so I hope you will suspend your disbelief just a little bit.

That said, I am trying to make this story internally consistent, and I will address the issue of Brook in a later chapter. So please keep on letting me know if something's bothering you, and I will be sure to address it in some way if I can.

Lastly, to pseudo-anonymous reviewer Sanshaino, thank you! I feel a bit like those authors whose works literature students dissect in class and find deep, deep meanings that they never intended. But I'm very happy they worked for you!

Reviews are always welcome. Thanks!


	7. Day Eight Point Five

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** None! Sanji's restraining himself.

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Day Eight and a Half  
**

* * *

I stare out over the inky black waters of the Grand Line, willing for something - anything - to show itself. Anything that can possibly be, or contain, food. A fish. A ship. An island. A Sea King. The Baratie. All Blue. Anything.

Nothing. Well, nothing I can see in this kind of light.

Maybe I'm just missing something because I'm not used to seeing in the dark. I usually take the dawn watch, so I can start getting breakfast together.

But damn it, isn't the Grand Line supposed to be full of sea monsters? Used to be we couldn't go two days without having to fight off some giant sea creature that you couldn't miss in the dark even if you wanted to. This whole stretch of water is damn unnatural, if you ask me.

"Up at this hour, Cook-san?"

"Robin-chan!" I breathe. She looks so beautiful in the light of the lantern she holds.

She glances out over the sea, and says, "I am on watch, Cook-san. I would notice if anything came up."

"I'm not doubting you, Robin-chan! I just - couldn't sleep."

"I see." She leans on the railing next to me, and I feel like I may just die of happiness. My mind scrambles for something intelligent to say, but after a while I just give up and enjoy the companionable silence.

For a while. Then my thoughts turn to the nightmare I just woke from, and I give a slight shudder.

Which Robin-chan instantly notices with her usual wonderful perceptiveness.

"A beli for your thoughts, Sanji-san."

She called me _Sanji_! She called _me_ Sanji! _She_ called me Sanji!

I take a deep breath. Remember, Sanji...calm...cool...collected.

"All Blue," I reply, skipping past the nightmare and the sea monsters.

"All Blue?"

"I was just wondering...whether it really exists."

"I see."

"We've already travelled through more than half the Grand Line, but we still haven't seen any signs of it at all. Whenever I ask about it at restaurants, half the cooks have no idea what I'm talking about and the other half just laugh," I explain. "I'm beginning to think...I'm beginning to think it may just be a silly myth."

Even Robin-chan's presence can't balance out the depths to which my heart plunges when that thought crosses my mind.

"I sometimes wonder whether I'll ever the True History either," Robin-chan says, a sad look in her eyes as she stares into the night.

"Of course you will, Robin-chan!" I say loyally. After all, her entire island perished because of it. There _must_ be something to be found, otherwise the World Government wouldn't be so paranoid about it. And Robin-chan has been searching for it for twenty years. I can't believe that she won't find it.

"Indeed, the Poneglyphs are reputed to be indestructible, and so the True History must exist. But who is to say that the Log Pose we are following will trace the right path?"

I'm amazed to hear the hints of despair in Robin-chan's voice. She is usually so calm, so detached, and I realise that she and I are the same in our impossible quests. There's so much that's beyond our control.

"I know we're on the right path. We must be," I say firmly, with as much conviction as I can muster.

Robin-chan turns to look at me, and I can see the doubt and hope in her eyes. "What makes you so certain?"

"Because of Luffy," I say simply.

"Luffy-san?" Her eyebrow arches ever so slightly in puzzlement.

"Luffy's going to be the Pirate King. He's walking in Gold Roger's footsteps. And Rayleigh told us they'd read the True History, didn't he? That means we're headed in the right direction."

Robin-chan smiles a wonderful smile. "You make a good point, Sanji-san."

"I don't know if you know what happened at Loguetown, but Luffy was going to be executed on the very same platform where Gold Roger died. We were too late - well, would have been too late - to save him. But the sky itself opened up and sent down a bolt of lightning to save him. That made me feel that Fate itself must be watching over Luffy and making sure he becomes Pirate King."

"You've read too many fairytales, Sanji-san," Robin-chan says, but she is smiling as she says it.

"Yeah, I used to read a lot of those when I was a kid in North Blue. Maybe I've read so many I confuse myth and history," I admit. Like All Blue.

"In my experience, myths are usually grounded in history," Robin-chan says thoughtfully. "Take the story of Montblanc Norland, for example. Who would believe that the land of gold he described was in the sky? And yet it was, and we saw it with our own eyes."

"Does that mean you think...?" I think my eyes must hold the same mixture of doubt and hope that Robin-chan's did a minute go.

"I believe that All Blue exists in some form," Robin-chan says. My heart leaps. "So does Luffy-san, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, but that idiot will believe anything you tell him," I laugh. But it's true. Luffy believes in his nakama's dreams. He'd probably bash me up right now if he heard me doubting my dream.

"So does your guardian, Red Leg Zeff," Robin-chan continues.

"Yeah, and when I find it, I'm gonna bring some of it back in the aquarium to show him," I say with a grin.

Then my grin fades a little. Whether we find All Blue - or the True History - before we starve to death is a different question altogether.

"You said it yourself, didn't you, Sanji-san? Fate itself is guiding Luffy-san to Raftel. Do you think Fate would let him starve here?"

"I guess not," I admit. I have my doubts, but to give in to that doubt would be to doubt that Robin-chan will find the True History, and I can't allow that.

"If that is the case, then we will certainly come out of this unscathed," Robin-chan concludes.

Relief washes through me. "Does that mean you're going to be eating full rations from now on?" I ask eagerly.

"No, Sanji-san, it doesn't," Robin says, almost laughing. "It was a valiant attempt, however."

I hear a door open behind us and Chopper squeaks up onto the deck. "I'll take over the watch now, Robin! Oh, Sanji! You're here too?" I desperately wish this night would never end, but...

"It looks like it's time for bed. Good night, Sanji-san." I wonder if Chopper will notice.

Robin-chan gives me another smile and as she walks past me to the ladies' quarters, her hand brushes against mine in a friendly pat. I'm glad it's dark so Chopper can't see how red I've gone.

Now that was _definitely_ a caress!


	8. Day Thirteen

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Sanji relapses into swearing a couple times.

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Day Thirteen**

* * *

The deck is a blaze of activity - hammering and sawing and shouting (and worst of all the _singing_) - just as it has been for the past few days. It's so noisy I can hardly hear myself think even when the galley door is closed, which is a good thing, because I hate being alone with the voices in my head right now. I don't want to be reminded that we have only eight days of food left in our stores. I don't want to think about the ladies and Chopper being on half-rations. Or about the marimo not eating at all.

"Oi, Franky! How much longer?" I call.

Franky pauses in his work to strike a pose. "Just a little while more, cook-bro! I promise you this'll be a SUPA scooper!"

"What about you, Usopp?"

Usopp gives me a thumbs-up. "I'm gonna start testing Captain Usopp's Amazing Fish Spearer in a few minutes, Sanji!"

"That's great! I'm counting on you guys!"

God, I can't wait till we have ready supplies of food again. My hands are already itching to make a grand feast for everyone. Just a couple more hours...hopefully.

Brook clatters out of the hold. "Here are the nails you asked for, Usopp-san."

"Thanks, Brook!"

"It was a pleasure, Usopp-san!" Brook sounds pleased as usual to have been of service. He's appointed himself their gofer in his eternal quest to be helpful. I'm just glad that his job keeps him out of the galley, because he's a klutz in the kitchen.

The hammering starts again.

"Ode to Captain Usopp #1829!"

The announcement is greeted by groans from the crew members scattered around the deck, but I just smile. I'm not sure why Usopp and Franky feel the need to sing as they work, but if it'll get us our first catch in three weeks, I'll let it pass.

"Can't those two ever work quietly?" the marimo grumbles from behind me. He looks more tired than I've ever seen him - well, except for all those times the idiot has gotten himself an inch away from killed - but he looks more sleepy than malnourished. Maybe the message that he's starving got lost on the way from his stomach to his brain.

"You look like a kid who's been denied his afternoon nap," I observe.

"I'm no kid," Zoro scowls, "but ever since those two started working on deck I haven't been able to sleep over that racket they're making."

"At least it's a _productive_ racket. Unlike your pointless training. Remember what Chopper said about that?"

Zoro scowls still deeper and I detect a quickening in the movement of the absurd weight he's swinging about, and has been swinging about for the past half hour. So much for his "endurance" training. Judging by the fierce look of concentration on his face, hunger isn't something to be endured, but conquered like any other enemy.

"And what about your smoking?" he nods towards the cigarette in my mouth. "I seem to recall Chopper saying something about that too."

Thank goodness Chopper seems to have given up lecturing me about that.

"Yeah, well, at least Chopper doesn't have to chase me twenty times around the ship to get me to take his medicine everyday," I point out.

Zoro glares at me and I glare back. I'm all for a fight, but before we can get started, we hear a loud "WHUMP!" from below deck.

"What the hell was that?" Zoro says, pausing.

I scan the sea around us to see whether we've been attacked. But the horizon is disappointingly empty. As usual.

"FRANKY!" Nami-san glides out of the aquarium bar, followed by Robin-chan. "What the hell was that for?"

"It wasn't me, Nami-sis!" Franky says quickly.

Nami-san turns her glare on Usopp, who's on his hands and knees by the deck hatch that opens up to the fish tank below. She looks so lovely when she's being intimidating!

"S-s-sorry, Nami! I should've warned you! I was just testing my new device!" Usopp cranks a reel on his contraption, and holds it up for us to see. It's a dense cluster of pointy spikes, almost like harpoon tips, and impaled on one spike is the last of the fish in our aquarium.

"You caught this with your device?" I ask, coming up and taking the fish from Usopp before anyone can get their grubby paws on it. I guess it'll have to be dinner tonight.

"Yup! It's Captain Usopp's Amazing Fish Spearer! First, you lower it into the water. Then, you activate this button, and it shoots spikes out for about a hundred metres in each direction. Because it's so fast, any fish in the way get speared instantly. Then I just have to reel 'em back in!"

"That's great!" I say. Seeing as it managed to snag the one fish in our gigantic tank, that's pretty good. Usopp beams with pride.

"How did you manage to get it to shoot out so fast, Usopp?" Chopper asks curiously.

"Impact Dials! They sure pack a punch, don't they?"

"And you tried it in the aquarium? You could've shattered the glass to pieces!" Nami-san protests, very logically.

"Don't you worry about that, Nami-sis!" Franky says, equally proudly. "That's unbreakable glass! Nothing can shatter it! Now, let me demo the SUPA scooper! Ow!" He unveils it with a flourish

"It's a pelican with a fish's body!" Luffy exclaims.

"You mean it's a fish with a pelican's bill, Luffy," Usopp sighs.

"Not just any old fish! It's a robot fish!" Franky announces.

"_Sugoi_!" Chopper says, eyes shining.

I think I would've been happy with a regular old fish we could eat, but whatever.

"It turns automatically towards the direction where it senses the greatest disturbance of water," Franky explains. "And then when it senses a region of great disturbance - which is probably a fish - what do you think it does?"

"BEAM! It shoots a BEAM!" Luffy says excitedly.

"Well, close," Franky says, looking a bit disappointed. "It opens up its jaws and goes SNAP around it! And then it brings it back to the ship."

"So it's a robot pelican dog!" Luffy concludes.

"Well, it swims, so it's more of a fish," Franky says doubtfully. "Well, if you like, you could call it a robot pelican dog-fish. A SUPA robot pelican dog-fish!"

From Luffy's expression I can see that another stupid name suggestion's on the way, and I say quickly, "That's great, Franky. Let's try it out for real."

"You got it, Cook-bro!"

"Hey, Luffy, whose do you think is cooler, Franky's scooper or my spearer?" Usopp asks eagerly.

"Who cares, so long as it works?" Zoro drawls.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

"It's not a question of cool-ness, Longnose-bro, it's a question of which of us brings back more fish."

"Of course my fish-spearer is gonna spear more fish than yours!"

"My SUPA scooper doesn't spear, it scoops! And it's gonna bring back a heckuva lot more fish than yours!"

"Fine! This is a contest! We'll see who brings back more fish!"

"You're on!"

All I want is for them to get their contraptions in the water, and here they are arguing.

"Who cares about silly contests, just get those things in the water and bring back some fish!" I yell.

"Honestly, you guys shouldn't be so competitive," Zoro remarks.

"You're the ones who taught them to be competitive, you idiots!" Nami-san says, giving us love punches from behind. Well, the one she gave _me _was a love punch.

By the time we've risen groggily to our feet Usopp's already reeling in his spearer. I go over to help. It's heavy as hell, and I have the lovely vision of a fish writhing on every spear...

"Aw, man! No fish."

I feel a wave of cold disappointment wash over me.

"Maybe I need some extra power. Sanji, would you mind resetting the Dial for me?"

"I'll get a mallet you can use, Sanji-san!" Brook says, and rattles off to fetch it.

"Thanks, Brook." I take it from him, and think of all the frustrations of the past two weeks, of the state of my larder, of my crew's empty stomachs, and take it all out on the Dial.

"Whoa, cook-bro, you made a dent in the deck!"

"Sorry. I thought the Impact Dial was supposed to absorb all the energy," I say, putting the mallet down and handing the Dial to Usopp.

Usopp tries again, and in a minute he hauls up another empty catch. My heart sinks still further.

"That's weird!"

Franky checks the line on his contraption. "My pelican dog-fish doesn't seem to be having much luck either."

"Maybe it tried to snag my spearer," Usopp suggests.

"It should've gotten far away enough not to be affected by that," Franky frowns. "There's something fishy about this."

"Or rather, not fishy enough," Usopp agrees.

"We've gotta get to the bottom of this."

"What do you mean by that?" I ask.

"Wanna come along, cook-bro? I'm taking the Shark Submerge out for a spin."

"I'm coming too," Usopp says determinedly. "I can't believe Captain Usopp's Amazing Fish Spearer didn't work!"

We head down to the bowels of the ship and through the Soldier Dock System to the third dock, where the shark-shaped submarine sits. "Everyone ready?" Franky asks, and we dive down into the ocean depths.

I blink. I've never seen such a clear blue ocean. I can see the sandy sea bed, a rock formation a kilometre away, even the swirling current around an underwater vent.

But what's more important is what I _can't _see.

"There's no fish!" Usopp exclaims.

"No wonder both of our devices didn't work!" Franky says.

"Phew, and I thought it was because our designs were bad!" Usopp laughs.

"I guess it's a draw huh, Longnose-bro?"

They throw an arm around each other and laugh.

I don't feel much like laughing.

"What's the matter, cook-bro? You look like somebody died," Franky says.

I can't bring myself to reply. At this rate...eight days...

"Bro?"

"Sanji?"

I feel like moaning that we're the ones who are going to die, but I remember Franky and Usopp's tendency to overreact and decide that that's not such a good idea. "We're out of food," I explain as calmly as I can. "We have eight days left. And -" I stare out into the expanse of empty ocean in front of us - "we don't know how far it is to land."

A long silence falls.

"So that's why Zoro hasn't been eating?" Usopp guesses, looking horrified.

I nod.

Franky pushes up his sunglasses and glances sideways at me. "And now that I look at you closely, you haven't been eating either, have you?"

"You stopped eating so that our supplies could last longer?" Usopp says. I can see his lower lip quivering. Oh please no...

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! You guys are so cool!" I can hear the tears in Franky's voice. Oh God, here it comes.

Franky and Usopp fling their arms around me.

Why can't Nami-san and Robin-chan react this way?

I try to struggle out of their embrace, but in the tight confines of the submarine it's a little hard. "Oi! Franky! Just...get us back to the ship, alright?"

Franky sniffs and wipes the tears from his eyes. "Okay, Cook-bro!"

As we head back to the Thousand Sunny, Franky says with just a hint of reprimand, "You could've told us, Sanji-bro."

"You guys were working hard," I reply. And I was _so _sure this would work.

"Yeah, but we could've helped from the beginning!" Usopp insists.

Yeah, right. I can still remember the fuss he and Luffy made in Arabasta when we ran out of water.

"I'm serious! Did I ever tell you about the time when I was stranded on a desert island with no food for two months?"

I have to smile at that. Even Usopp's powerful imagination can't produce an 85-day famine.

"Okay, if you're serious, I'll put you on half-rations." Like Chopper, he's only seventeen and he's still growing.

"You can count me out for meals from now on too," Franky says. "Don't worry about me, I've plenty of cola to power me up."

"Don't you reserve as much cola as you can for the Sunny?"

"Don't worry about it, Cook-bro!" Franky grins as he docks the sub. "Besides, I've been feeling particularly un-hungry this week!"

When we emerge, Nami-san, Robin-chan, Brook and the marimo are there waiting to hear our findings. One look at our faces tells them the answer.

"No luck, huh?" Nami-san says.

"There was nothing. Not even sea-weed," I report. I never thought the day would come when I would welcome the sight of marimo green.

"I've never seen anything like that before," Franky says. "What about you, Nico Robin?"

"No, I haven't. But I believe that we've stumbled across one of the many strange phenomena of the Grand Line - Empty Blue."

"Empty Blue?" we all echo.

"It's a fabled patch of ocean many miles wide that is devoid of plant and animal life. To add to its mystery, its location does not stay constant. It has been spotted in several different parts of the New World. Another name for it is Dead Blue."

Dead Blue. The very opposite of All Blue. A cook's hell.

Somebody up there really, really hates me.

"Robin-sis, when you say 'many miles wide', what are we talking here?"

"I believe Louis Arnold's account has his ship taking three months to cross Dead Blue," Robin-chan replies.

We stand there in a glum silence.

Another two and a half months till we get out of this hellhole. Our food will run out in 11 days, if Usopp goes on half-rations and Franky on none. All those on half-rations will have to starve for over two months. And Zoro will have to last three months.

"Well! Louis Arnold was known to exaggerate," Nami-san says, putting a brave smile on her face.

He got Little Garden right, though.

"There's no use standing around moping," Zoro shrugs. "We'll just have to manage on whatever we have and hope we find a ship sometime soon."

"You guys are so cool!" Franky sniffs, hugging the startled marimo.

"Argh - get off! Are you _crying_?"

"I'm not crying! It's just the dust in my eye!"

That, and Zoro's words, seem to shake everyone out of their funk and soon they're talking and laughing again as they head to the deck. I follow them up and head to the galley to begin preparing the one fish that's going to be dinner tonight. So much for the grand feast I had planned. Shit.

Three months. Maybe someone like Zoro can last three months without food, but what about the delicate ladies? Chopper? Usopp?

The galley door opens.

"Ano, Sanji-san..."

"I don't need any help, Brook, but thanks."

Glancing at our skeletal crewmate, I can't help but recall the nightmare I've dreamt every night for more than a week. Of the crew, lying on the deck, reduced to just bones.

Cue Skull Joke.

I groan and slump back against the counter.

"It's hard, isn't it, fearing for the lives of your nakama?" Brook says gravely.

I look up at him in surprise.

"I apologise for not noticing sooner, Sanji-san. After all, it's not as if I can die from hunger. Feeding me is a waste of food, isn't it?"

"It's not a waste of food."

"But I have no stomach. Yo ho ho ho!"

"Even so, you eat and you...poop, don't you?" Thank you, Luffy, for ensuring I know this important fact. "Which means you digest food, don't you?"

"That is so, Sanji-san. But I can survive without it, nevertheless. I survived for fifty years."

"You mean you _starved_ for fifty years," I say, with more vehemence than I expected to feel. "Fifty years of feeling...like this...! How could I make you go through that again?"

"I didn't starve the whole fifty years," Brook corrects me gently.

"What was the longest you went without food, then?"

"Mmm, probably ten years."

"Ten years! That must have been torture!" I can't even begin to imagine it.

"It was torture," Brook agrees solemnly. "But..."

"But?" I look up into Brook's empty eye sockets, searching for some secret for overcoming hunger pangs.

"Although my stomach was empty, the emptiness in my heart was far worse. I do not mind starving again if I have nakama by my side. And I do not intend to watch my nakama die one by one again. _That_ is my greatest nightmare, not the nightmare of endless starvation. Just as you worry more about your nakama dying than you yourself."

"Why shouldn't I? They did nothing to deserve this. It was my fault," I say bitterly as I pick up my utensils once more and scrape fiercely at the fish.

"Was it my fault that I brought my crew to the Florian Triangle? Was it your fault we sailed into Dead Blue?"

I guess if I answer yes to the latter, that means I'm blaming Brook for the loss of his crew. Sneaky.

"Thanks, Brook," I say grudgingly.

"Ah, one more thing."

"Hmm?"

"I did find one thing that helped greatly when I was feeling hungriest. If you don't mind...?" He produces a violin from behind his back.

I guess I'm willing to try anything. "D'you know any songs from North Blue?"

"Indeed I do, Sanji-san!"

I continue working, humming to myself as Brook plays familiar tunes from my childhood. He's right. It doesn't feel so bad when my mind's distracted from the food. I tell him so.

"Yo ho ho ho! If music be the food of love, play on!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not quite sure myself, but it sounded appropriate! Yo ho ho ho!"

I have to chuckle too. I can think of better distractions from hunger, but in the absence of the ladies, Brook's ridiculous antics and music are a decent-enough substitute. Looks like Brook's quest to be of use has found an outlet in the galley after all.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

_I believe Louis Arnold's account has his ship taking three months to cross Dead Blue..._

According to the One Piece wiki, Louis Arnold was one of the pioneer explorers of the Grand Line. His and other explorers' accounts of their travels were collected into a book derisively called _Brag Men_ because the tales in it sound so bizarre_. _Nami has a copy of this book, which she references when the crew land at Little Garden.

_If music be the food of love, play on._

Not mine. Shakespeare's.


	9. Day Fourteen

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Sanji's swearing. Long chapter.

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Day Fourteen**

* * *

Should I get up? Shouldn't I get up? Ah, fuck it, I haven't had a wink of sleep the whole night, what makes me think I'm suddenly going to get any now?

Besides, I really need a cigarette.

I get up and pull on my clothes quickly. It was warm when we went to sleep, but the floor is chilly to my bare feet. Another freaking weather change. I may not be a genius navigator like Nami-san, but even I know that we're nowhere near an island.

That makes the decision I made last night all the more urgent.

I walk over to the closet and pull out an extra scarf. Behind me, Chopper snuffles in his sleep and I freeze, thinking I may have awoken him. When his high-pitched snores resume, I relax and wrap the scarf around my neck. I take a last glance around the room at my sleeping nakama and head outside with a sigh.

Almost immediately after I close the door, a voice hails me from the crow's nest.

"Oh, Sanji! You're up early!" Glancing at the sun just peeking over the horizon, I reckon it's about half an hour before my usual watch.

"Yeah, couldn't sleep," I reply briefly, lighting my first cigarette of the day and inhaling gratefully.

I scan the horizon briefly, but I can't see a thing. You can't expect miracles, Sanji, I scold myself. I'll just have to accept my fate.

Usopp slides down the mast and joins me on the deck. "Brook's lullabies didn't work?" he wisecracks. And then he sees my face and he gives a double-take. "Um...sorry, bad joke."

"What?" Usopp's jokes are mostly bad, but he doesn't usually apologise for them.

"You...look...pretty...um...pretty good today!" Usopp says, giving me a thumbs-up.

"Liar," I retort, heading into the galley to start breakfast. If even Usopp thinks I look like shit, I must really look bad. I could use the base of a frying pan as a mirror, but I don't think I care to. If I look anywhere near as bad as I feel, I probably look worse than my bounty poster.

"So, um..." Usopp begins, following me in.

"What? D'you want a cup of hot chocolate or something?" I ask.

"Er, no...I had a question actually."

I tense a little. "Okay."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Tell who what?" I ask, though I think I already know the answer.

"Tell Luffy...about the food situation."

"Yeah, I guess so," I say reluctantly. I decided last night. Now that we know how long it might be, there's no point concealing it any longer. Any hope we had left is now gone. Any hope I had left of remaining on this crew is now gone.

"Okay," Usopp says, in obvious relief. "I was just wondering if it was a secret, that's all. Um...I just wanted to let you know, if you needed someone to talk to, Captain Usopp's here with a listening ear!"

"Oh?" I raise my eyebrow. Coming from the biggest talker on the crew, that's quite an offer. For a moment I consider taking it. If anyone can understand how I'm feeling right now, it would be Usopp. But there's really nothing to say. I don't need to ask "how does it feel to have to leave the crew?" because I know it for myself. It feels like the end of the world.

"Thanks, Usopp, but I don't..." But Usopp isn't even facing me anymore. His nose is pressed up against the porthole and he's staring out intently.

"Oi, for someone who's just offered a listening ear, you're really unreliable," I say, but he instead of replying he beckons to me.

"Is that what I think it is?"

An irrational hope rises within me, and I rush over to the porthole. Our faces squish up against each other as we both try to peer through the tiny window. But with a rush of disappointment I realise that I'm still seeing precisely nothing.

"What is it I'm supposed to be seeing? If this is another of your lies, Usopp..."

"No, really, look! Over there! Ah, can't you see it? Here, take my goggles!"

I take his goggles and try to adjust them. "Oh! A speck!"

"Not just any speck, a ship! A Marine ship!"

"You can see that?" It's just a blur to me. But I know Usopp wouldn't lie about such a thing, at such a time. And he does have the best eyesight of us all. "Usopp, you're a miracle-worker!" I'm so happy I could almost kiss - no, I'm nowhere near _that_ happy. "Quick, wake the others, and tell them to come up and have some breakfast."

Usopp nods eagerly and he rushes over to hammer at the ladies' door, yelling, "The Marines are coming! The Marines are coming!" Then he dashes into the men's quarters and does the same. I hear the stumble of bare feet, the swearing when they realise just how cold it really is, and Nami-san's clear voice giving steering instructions.

In a few minutes, the Sunny's on course to intercept the Marine ship, and the crew minus Zoro is assembled at the table for breakfast, with Franky and Brook sitting at the bar chugging a bottle of cola and sipping a cup of tea respectively. Though some of them still look bleary-eyed with sleep, everyone's grinning like anything. They all know this Marine ship is the only thing between us and three months of starvation. Well, all of them except Luffy, and for him the excitement of getting to attack a Marine ship - or just the fact that it's breakfast time - is enough to get him grinning.

And I know that my grin is the biggest of them all as I lean back against the counter and watch as they gobble down their rations and hurry out to prepare for the battle. Except for a certain bottomless pit of a captain whose idea of battle preparation consists of only one thing -

"Sanji! MEAT!"

I sigh. "Luffy, we just ate breakfast!"

"But you need a pirate bento before attacking Marine ships! It's part of being a pirate!"

I suppose since we'll be getting food soon, I can take a gamble...but then I decide against it. Yesterday's experience has taught me that we can't take anything for granted until the food's going down their throats.

"Look, Luffy, you can have all the meat you want on the Marine ship, okay?" I try to reason with him.

"But I can't fight without food," Luffy pouts.

"Like I said, you just ate!" I scold, but I'm already racking my brains for what I can spare from my larder. I don't want to take any chances with Luffy, for whom the distance between sheer exhaustion and battle readiness is about one sea king steak.

Finally I come up with something. It's completely ridiculous, but it's the only thing I can offer. I don't even know whether we still qualify as pirates after this, but...

"What about cotton candy?"

"Cotton candy's not pirate bento," Luffy says suspiciously, though his eyes brighten at the suggestion of more food.

"It's pirate cotton candy, so it's okay," I invent quickly.

"Oh! Well, if it's pirate cotton candy, then it works! Yay! Cotton candy!" Phew. Crisis averted. I'm getting as good - or as bad - as Usopp.

"Can I turn the crank? Can I? Can I? Chopper showed me how before!"

"Okay, Luffy, just so long as you turn it _slowly_. Got it? No Gomu Gomu no Windmill or anything like that."

Luffy churns out eight sticks under my guidance, laughing all the while, and it scares me to think how close I came to taking that smile away from his face. And then he's eagerly calling out to the others to come eat their pirate cotton candy and though they look bemused as they claim their share, no one dims our captain's enthusiasm by asking exactly what qualifies fluffy white sugar as pirate fare. Well, it's not like we were ever ordinary pirates, anyway, with a captain like Luffy.

By the time he bounces away on a sugar-fuelled high, I'm left with one stick, and I know who it belongs to. I find him standing on deck, sizing up the Marine ship, which is getting pretty close now.

"Oi, marimo." I hold out the cotton candy.

Zoro turns a baleful look on me. "That better be a joke, shit cook."

"You need your strength," I insist, even though I know it's a losing battle.

"Give it to Chopper or Luffy. I don't like sweet food, you know that." He takes out his swords and inspects them before returning them to their sheaths, then takes the scrap of dark green cloth from around his arm and ties it around his head.

That scares me a little. Zoro never wears his bandanna unless he's getting serious. And for him to get serious against a small ship like that...

"Oi, marimo...don't just keel over and die, okay?" I say hesitantly.

"Tch. I'm not the one who looks like a walking skeleton," Zoro retorts.

For a moment I think he's referring to Brook, but then I realise he means me.

"Huh. Doesn't matter what I look like, I'm still gonna take down more Marines than you," I scoff.

"Yeah, right. You'd better be alive to see how badly I've beaten you at the end of this," Zoro grunts.

We look out at the Marine ship. We're gaining on them fast. I can see the whites of their lookout's eyes, and the frantic preparations they're making for our arrival. The others gather on deck, ready for battle.

"Oi, Luffy! Here - there was a spare stick."

"Oh! Thanks, Sanji!" Luffy bounds over and licks it up eagerly.

"They're readying their cannons," Robin-chan observes.

Zoro draws his swords with a grin that foretells death and destruction for the enemy.

"Bring 'em on," he growls. I grip my cigarette a touch harder. We take a step forward. And then a sticky hand wraps around my waist.

"Luffy, no!"

"Let's go!" a cheerful voice announces, and a moment later I'm flying through the air.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ow!"

We crash-land among a horde of gaping Marines. I leap to my feet, rubbing my back. I don't think I'll ever get used to Luffy's catapults. I glance over at the marimo and I see that he's already on his feet with two Marines down. I'd better get myself caught up fast.

And as a man in a white tunic scrambles up from below deck to join the fray, a knife in each hand, I know I've found my first opponent.

* * *

"Man, that was boring," Zoro pants just minutes later, returning his katana to their sheaths.

"Yeah, weaklings," I gasp, trying to keep my legs from giving out under me. Though it was short, the fight took more out of me than I expected, and I suspect the same's true for the marimo. "I thought there would be more of them, given the size of this ship." Though I'm privately glad there weren't.

"Thought they would be stronger since they're stationed in the New World," Zoro huffs.

I nod in agreement. "So how many did you get?"

"Eleven," he says.

"Damn! I got the same." Now I wish there'd been more. I look around and see that the cook's still moving. "Does it count if I get that one again?"

"No, it just means you only got ten," Zoro smirks.

"Fuck you, marimo bastard," I murmur. I consider going over and giving the twitching cook a finishing kick, but he doesn't really look like he's going anywhere.

I look up and see the ladies - who are thankfully unscathed - disappearing into the bridge, probably to see what treasure they can find. Franky, Usopp and Brook seem intensely interested in one of the cannons, maybe a new design, and I can see Chopper going down the steps, probably in search of the medical bay to see if whether they have any interesting medicines.

"Where's Luffy?" I ask. Last I saw, he was still in his shrunken form from using Gear Third against the only interesting fighter on the ship, their Devil's Fruit user of a captain.

"Dunno, but it's quiet, so he can't be getting into any mischief," Zoro sighs.

The thought strikes us both simultaneously and we look at each other in horror. If Luffy's quiet, that just means he _is_ up to some mischief.

"Shit, the food!" I gasp, and I sprint for the galley, Zoro close on my heels.

The sight that greets us makes my heart lurch. "LUFFY!"

"Oh, hi Sanji! This is great turkey!" Luffy says through a full mouth. And I know that's no Gomu Gomu no Balloon. Gomu Gomu no Turkey Balloon, maybe.

I cross over to the fridge and survey the unmistakable signs of a Luffy raid.

There's no room for gloom in my head right now, just pure rage. I grab Luffy by his rubber neck and proceed to wring it.

"Dammit, Luffy! Didn't anyone ever teach you to share?"

"But - you - said - I - could - eat - all - the - meat - I - wan - ted!" Luffy gasps out, his head bouncing back and forth.

"I didn't mean it that way, you fucking idiot!" I practically scream.

And then I feel thin arms pulling at my wrists. "Sanji, stop! You don't want to do this! He didn't know!"

Usopp's voice, and the horrified looks on the Franky and Brook's faces - they must have followed the noise to the galley - pull me back to my senses, and I release my hold on Luffy. And when my eyes meet Zoro's shadowed glare, I realise how close to the brink I came. Leaving the crew, or making a mistake with food supplies, he would be okay with. But if I leave the crew by quarrelling with our captain, he'll never forgive me.

And then there's Luffy's innocent, wide-open eyes, astonished at my anger. Usopp's right. Luffy didn't know - I didn't tell him. All to preserve his innocence - and by choosing to do that, I may have condemned us all.

"I'm sorry, captain," I choke out.

Just as Luffy opens his mouth to respond, we hear a strangled shriek come from behind us. "My turkey! And my FRIDGE!"

"Oh, ossan! Your turkey was really good!" Luffy pats his stomach contentedly.

The Marine cook turns a look of incredulous despair on Luffy, and I can actually see the tears in his eyes. "First the Pinkbeard Pirates, then Empty Blue, and now you! Why won't you pirates leave my kitchen alone?" he wails.

"Pinkbeard Pirates?"

"They attacked us two weeks ago and they only left us enough food for two weeks. And then when we tried to catch fish, we found we couldn't, because we were in Empty Blue. And now...my men were on tight rations already, and now they'll have to starve!"

His forlorn look so exactly mirrors how I feel inside, I feel like bawling with him.

Instead I ask, desperately: "Didn't you leave _anything_, Luffy?"

"There's still some boring veggies and fruits over there," Luffy points, and both the Marine cook and I brighten up and we dash for the larder. Though it still looks like a whirlwind's careened through the place, there are still supplies, and I feel perversely rewarded for all the times I've had to kick Luffy to eat his vegetables. Even if we split this...I can make this last three months.

"How long do you have to sail?" I ask.

"Four weeks."

"It looks like their mission was to investigate the abandoned village we were at, so four weeks is likely," Nami-san's voice confirms, and when I turn I see that she and Robin-chan have entered the galley, and that she has a thick book in her hands - probably the master log for this ship.

I turn on the bastard cook, pissed at him for scaring me with his overreaction. "Four weeks times fifty men...even this is more than enough," I gesture. "Hell, even if none of you eat for four weeks you should still be able to pull through."

"Fifty men? We have a hundred men on this ship! Half of them are in the infirmary, recovering from the pirates' attack!" the cook says, his voice shaking with fury.

His words hit me like a peg-leg to the head. No! This can't be...after we managed to miraculously find a ship...

"He's right, Sanji!" a little voice cries, and I look down and see Chopper's wearing that frantic look he always has when he realises one of us is hurt or sick. "Some of them are really ill! If they don't get food, they'll die, especially with all the weather changes we've been having lately!"

I feel like I've been hit by every Negative Ghost in the world.

"Ahhhhhhh!" We all turn to Luffy. "Is it my fault? I'm sorry!"

"Words of apology can't fill stomachs!" the cook bristles. "We'll barely make it as it is! And if you dare to take any more food from here, I'll...I'll fight you!"

We all know it to be a laughable threat. Three kicks were all I needed to knock him down, and one of Luffy's full-strength punches would probably keep him from cooking for the rest of his life. But we can't laugh when he points his knives at us with shaking hands, despite knowing how hopelessly outmatched and outclassed he is. We understand his motivations too well.

"You know, we could just turn around and follow their Log Pose to the island," Nami-san suggests, though she sounds reluctant, and I can't say I'm a big fan of the idea either. Not only would we have the Marines for company - unless we deprive them of their Pose, which would be even more cruel than just taking their food - but we already know how hard it is to preserve food from that island, and we'd still have to make this trip all over again.

"What about where they came from?" Zoro asks.

"Looks like they sailed from their base about six weeks ago." It's less than three months, but...I don't think any of us fancies paying a visit to a Marine base after weeks of starvation.

"It's not where we're headed, is it, Nami-san?" I ask.

Nami-san takes an Eternal Pose from her pocket and checks its heading against the Log Pose on her wrist. "The bearing's different. Not too far off, but definitely not the same place."

My head's beginning to ache as much as my stomach. Three choices, all bad. Four, if you include taking their food - and it's equally bad. I can't see any solution to this. Either they die, or we die.

"I don't get it," Luffy says, looking and sounding puzzled. "Why're we talking about going back?"

I gulp. It's time to confess, once and for all. "Luffy...we're running out of food. If we go forward, we'll probably not get more food for another two and a half months. But we've only twelve days of food left, and even that's only with Zoro, Franky, Brook and me not eating, and with Nami-san, Robin-chan, Usopp and Chopper on half-rations." My statement draws a gasp from the cook, as he realises that we're in as dire straits as them.

"Aaaaaaah! Really?" Understanding finally dawns in Luffy's eyes. "So that's why Zoro's not been eating?"

I mentally smack my forehead at the idiocy of my captain.

"Honestly, Luffy, didn't you suspect something was wrong? Zoro hasn't eaten for like eleven days!" Nami-san scolds.

"But Zoro's good at starving," Luffy says innocently. What the fuck is that supposed to mean, "good" at starving? If anyone's "good" at starving here, surely it should be me.

Luffy's eyes swivel round to me. "Ah!" he points a finger at me.

My heart thumps. Is that supposed to be an accusatory finger or what?

"Sanji, you look really skinny!"

Everyone looks blankly at Luffy for two seconds. "O-_SOI_!"

"Luffy, could you possibly be any slower?" Usopp groans, conveniently forgetting the fact that he and Franky and Brook only noticed yesterday.

"We have to make a decision," Zoro cuts in impatiently. "If we take their food, we'll be fine, but some of them will die. If we don't take their food, we still have two and a half months till we get out of Dead Blue, unless we happen to come across another ship or island before then, so some of us may die. Captain?"

"Hrmmmm." I can practically hear the cogs creaking in Luffy's head as he ponders the decision, and I curse myself for forcing him to make it.

Even I don't know what to think. Half of me recoils at the idea of starving these men, already injured, to death. The other half is mentally begging Luffy to please just take the food, put the lot of them out of their misery if we must, they're _Marines _after all, and if you want to be Pirate King, you've got to be a lot more _ruthless _sometimes, a bit more like - like Don Krieg, for example -

And then I know what Luffy's going to decide, because there's not an ounce of Don Krieg in him, and I'm glad of that. Because if there's one thing good about sailing under Luffy, it's that I know I'll never have to choose between my captain's orders and my conscience, like Gin had to.

"We'll go forward," Luffy says, in that rare serious voice of his, his eyes fixed on me without a hint of a smile.

I exhale, and give a nod.

"Huh? So we're not taking the food?" Usopp's jaw drops.

Luffy gestures at the cook. "We're stronger than these guys, so let them have the food. We'll make it."

"But Luffy..."

"You heard the captain," Zoro interposes. "If you want to discuss it further, do it on the Sunny."

Zoro looks grim enough and fierce enough that the others make no further objection.

"This is a recipe for medicine that'll keep your men's health up, even if they're not eating," Chopper volunteers, pressing a script into the cook's hands. "If you have a ship's doctor, he should know what to do with it."

The cook's so astounded that he can't even stammer out his thanks. Chopper turns and looks at me anxiously, then follows the others out.

I turn to trudge after him, but first I have to ask. "Have you heard of All Blue?"

"Yes, of course. All Blue, where fish from all four Blues swim."

At least he isn't laughing.

"Where is it?" I press. Maybe being a cook in the New World, he'll know about it...

"It's...just a myth, isn't it? I've never seen it myself," the cook stammers.

Even back on that rock, I don't think I ever felt so lost.

I can't go on with the crew any longer, and All Blue no longer beckons. Maybe I should just give myself up here and now, Nami-san would appreciate having 77 million beli - but if this ship was attacked by the Pinkbeard Pirates, they would've taken the money already.

So I can't even be of use in that way. I really have nowhere to go.

And then I see it. The Eternal Pose, lying innocently on a counter next to the log book, pointing towards food. Giving me a direction.

"Cook-bro! You coming?" Franky's voice calls from down the hallway.

Maybe...maybe there's still something I can do. I slip the Pose into my pocket, and head out.

"Good luck," the cook calls. "And thank you."

"Don't thank me, thank my captain," I say automatically. It hurts all the more to be proud of my captain, when I know that he won't be my captain for long. "Oh, and - watch the fruit from that island. It goes bad real easy."

* * *

The Sunny is unusually quiet when we return from our unsuccessful raid. Everyone feels the uneasy atmosphere, and there's not a shout or joke or song to be heard among the usually rambunctious crew. I know that my leaving won't help that at all, but maybe...if I take the Waver and go to the Marine base and manage to bring back food, they can smile again. Who knows, once I'm gone, maybe the run of bad luck will end and they'll get out of Dead Blue and they'll have food again. Either way...they're better off not having me here.

I take a deep breath and march up to Luffy. He already looks normal again, and I can't decide whether to be pissed at his absurd metabolism, or glad that his bulging stomach isn't going to rile me up again.

"Luffy...no, _Captain_..."

"Sanji..."

We launch into our questions simultaneously.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm leaving the crew."

I stare at Luffy blankly - that infernal question again? But Luffy looks back at me with that serious gaze, and I realise he's waiting for me to speak.

"Did you even hear what I said?"

"I asked you a question," Luffy says calmly.

And I snap. "What's the matter with you? With all of you? Don't you realise what I've done? Because of me..." I swallow hard before continuing, trying to keep my voice from cracking. "Because of me, you guys might die. Because of me, you might never reach your dreams. Nami-san won't be able to map the world. Robin-chan won't be able to find the True History. Brook won't meet Laboon, Chopper won't find the panacea he's looking for, Usopp won't be the bravest warrior on the sea, Zoro won't be the greatest swordsman in the world, Franky won't be able to sail the ship he made for the Pirate King, because you won't become the Pirate King! All because of my carelessness!"

"Sanji, nothing you can do will stop me being Pirate King," Luffy says quietly.

"Even then! The Pirate King deserves a cook who'll keep his crew fed and healthy! What kind of cook am I? What kind of a cook lets his crew starve?" I say bitterly.

Luffy pushes up his hat and looks at me evenly. "Is that why you quit?"

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

"Okay, then. You can quit."

The crushing sense of loneliness is tempered only by a sense of purpose. My hand steals to my pocket and I feel the reassuring heft of the Eternal Pose. I'll bring back some food for them, or die trying.

While everyone's standing there slack-jawed at Luffy's statement, Luffy continues:

"In that case, I quit too."

The others find their voices, and we chorus an incredulous "WHAT?"

Luffy shrugs. "What kind of captain doesn't even notice when his nakama are starving?" he asks, throwing my question back in my face.

"Now, wait a minute, Luffy, like you said, it's my fault for not telling -" I begin, but Nami-san interrupts and I fall silent.

"I quit too. After all, what kind of navigator takes her ship through a dead sea?"

"The fault is equally mine," Robin-chan interposes. "I knew about Empty Blue but failed to connect the stories to our lack of success at fishing."

"I guess that means we both quit," Nami-san says with an impish grin that I totally don't understand.

"But...how could you know Dead Blue was here?" I stammer, but my objection is overridden by the sound of Franky's bawling.

"What kind of shipwright doesn't build enough storage capacity for his nakama's appetites?" he weeps. "And this was supposed to be that ship that carries you across a thousand seas!"

"Storage capacity had nothing to do with it!"

"What kind of dead man eats the food that could save his nakama's lives?" Brook asks melodramatically.

"I told you yesterday, Brook, you have as much a right to eat as anyone!" I say despairingly. This can't be happening - if our crew breaks up because of me, that's one more thing I'll never forgive myself for.

"Remember, I rushed you guys away from that abandoned village!" Chopper cries.

"And I helped pack the fruit back on that island. Maybe I messed up!" Usopp offers.

Their heads swivel round to Zoro, who raises an eyebrow. "Does this mean I can redraw the flag now?"

"NO, IT DOESN'T!" they all yell.

"Fine, I quit too. Without you guys, I have no reason to be a pirate," Zoro shrugs.

"You're supposed to say something about how it's your fault, you jerk!" Usopp hisses.

"But I didn't do anything - ow, Chopper, quit biting my leg!"

Luffy grins wryly. "Well, that's the end of the Strawhat Pirates."

"No! I won't let you do this!" I say frantically.

"But Sanji, it was our fault too. If you have to quit because you made a mistake, then we have to, too. It's only fair," Luffy reasons, the seriousness returning to his voice.

"But I don't want you guys to break up," I mutter.

"You started it when you quit," Luffy says. "The Strawhats aren't the Strawhats without Sanji."

A chorus of assent runs around the deck, and my heart aches for them, for these idiots who were once my nakama.

Luffy's grin splits his face once more. "Well! I'm forming a new pirate crew. You guys wanna join?"

"AYE!" the others shout, and how I wish I could shout it out with them.

Luffy turns to me and holds out a hand. "We still have an opening for a cook. Wanna join?"

"You don't understand!" I yell. "I can't _be_ a cook without any food to cook. I'm useless!"

Luffy cocks his head to a side. "Is that so? That's okay! In that case, you can be the archaeologist!"

"HUH?" Everyone's truly befuddled now.

"Robin can be the sniper, Usopp can be the doctor, Nami can be the cook, Zoro can be the navigator, Franky can be the musician and Brook can be the shipwright!"

"Wait, what about me?" Chopper says, sounding pissed off. "What am I, then? Just the pet?"

"That's okay, Chopper, you can be the doctor. I know nothing about medicine," Usopp says.

"And you can still be the sniper, Longnose-kun. You would fill the role much better," Robin-chan adds.

"I don't know anything about archaeology..." I murmur, my head still reeling from the craziness of the situation.

"I would be glad to take the post of archaeologist, Sanji-san."

"I've a couple changes to make, too," Nami-san says. "First of all, please can Franky and Brook switch? I don't know if the Sunny can stand up to Brook's ministrations, or if we can stand Franky playing his guitar all day long."

"That's okay, Nami-sis!" Franky says good-humouredly. "I built the Thousand Sunny, so I'm its shipwright, that won't ever change!"

"And I am a musician through and through! Yo ho ho ho!" Brook chortles.

"And for another thing, we are _not_ letting Zoro navigate," Nami-san continues.

"So what does that make me, the cook?" Zoro says, looking just as bewildered as I feel. "Well, I guess I can manage porridge..."

"No way am I gonna let you mess up my galley, marimo!" I flare. And then I realise what I've just said.

Luffy laughs long and loud. "If it's your galley, I guess that means you're our cook again, Sanji!"

"But I can only be your cook twelve more days," I try to explain. Why is it so hard for him to grasp this simple concept?

"You can always be the ship's pet along with Zoro," Usopp sniggers, before ducking behind Franky as the marimo turns an evil eye on him.

But apparently Zoro concedes the point, because he says, "You've always called me useless because I don't have a specific job on this ship like all you guys do. Does that mean I should leave the crew too?"

"No, but...I was brought on board to be your cook. If I can't do that, I lose my sole purpose for being on this ship!"

Luffy scratches his head. "How should I explain this..." he muses, as if I'm the idiot here. "I asked you to be our cook, but it wasn't because you were a cook. It was because you're a good guy."

I guess I must still look bewildered, because Luffy sighs, and changes the subject. "Sanji...if you wanted to hire a cook, what would you do?"

"Get them to make a couple of dishes for me to taste, I guess," I reply. "But what...?"

"If all I wanted was a cook, I'd have tasted your food first. But I didn't, because what I wanted was a nakama who happened to be a cook. And I just knew you were a good guy, that's why I asked you to become my nakama."

I cast my mind back to when Luffy first asked me to join his crew. He asked me so many times they're all jumbled in my mind, but I finally work it out. It was when I gave Gin that plate of fried rice. Before Luffy'd tasted my cooking. Before he'd even seen how strong I was. Just because of that one small gesture.

Realisation dawns.

"You're my nakama, Sanji," Luffy grins. "And if you ever try to leave this crew again, I'll kick your ass."

I have to bite my lip to keep myself from blubbering, but I nod. "Aye, captain."

The rest of the crew erupts in cheers, and amidst the cheering Luffy sticks out a hand and says, "Give."

Somehow I know exactly what Luffy wants, though I've no idea how he found out. I take out the Eternal Pose and hand it over, feeling a bit like when the shit geezer confiscated the spices I stole to experiment with in my recipes.

"We won't be needing this." Luffy winds up his arm with a Gomu Gomu no Pistol and shoots it over towards the receding Marine ship, depositing it on their deck.

_But that could be the thing that saves our lives!_ I want to scream, but whether we go to the Marine base or not is my captain's decision, not mine, and I'll follow him wherever he goes.

Luffy glances at my face and says matter-of-factly, "Don't worry about the food, Sanji. I have good luck. We won't starve. No one's gonna die. We're strong, after all."

And even though I know he has absolutely no basis for making that statement, I know I can trust him to make it come true, because he's Luffy, the man who will become Pirate King.

He's systematically dismantled my neuroses, one by one, leaving me completely defenceless. And in their wake, different emotions come flooding in - gratitude, and a kind of pride.

To my horror, I feel my lower lip start to tremble so hard biting doesn't help. Tears prick at my eyes. I turn and run for the sanctuary of the galley. I don't want them to see me like this, blubbering like - well, like Franky.

I bolt the door behind me and sink down on the floor, drawing my knees up and sobbing into my hands. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve _them_.

Two minutes pass.

Then I feel a pat on my ankle and I start. A disembodied but nonetheless lovely hand waves a tea towel at me. I can't help but smile. "Thank you, Robin-chan," I whisper, and take it. The hand gives me an uncharacteristic thumbs-up and dissolves into petals.

Then I hear a thump against the galley door. "SANJIIIIIIIII! We've gotta kanpai to celebrate our new crew!"

Hopeless idiots. "Go away, I have to prepare lunch!" I shout back, hoping no one can hear the hoarseness in my voice.

Instead, I hear more thumps, each one louder than the last. If those bastards aren't careful...

The door crashes in, followed a second later by a pile of what looks like Usopp, Chopper, Brook and Franky, all wrapped up in a tangle of Luffy's rubber limbs. I gape at them for a moment, until the marimo steps in over them and kicks the lot of them out.

Damn. Of all the people on this ship, he's the one I least want to see right now. I try desperately to wipe away my tears.

Too late. He's already stalking over to me, a condescending smirk on his face. "Tch. Crying, cook? What a pansy."

My tears drain away in the heat of my anger. I jump to my feet and retort, "As if we've never seen _you_ cry before."

I can see it in my mind's eye - a trembling sword, and a trembling voice, swearing: "From now on, I won't lose ever again! Until I defeat that man and become the greatest swordsman in the world, I won't lose again! Got a problem with that, PIRATE KING?"

The bearer of that voice scowls in my face. "That was different!" he says defensively.

"No, it's not," I say, equally defensively.

Zoro looks at me for one long, considering moment. Then he says quietly, "Yeah, it's not."

A strong, callused hand grabs me by the shoulder and pushes me towards the door.

"No, wait - I'm not ready!" I say frantically.

"_They_ are," Zoro says, a sardonic tone in his voice, and I'm steered outside, where I come face to face with the crew, now disentangled and on their feet.

They're smiling. Grinning. Laughing. There's no disgust, no pity, no blame in their eyes. Just...acceptance.

All the tension of the past two weeks drains away, and I'm left with a warm, fuzzy feeling of belonging.

I sniff and wipe my face with a sleeve, hoping I don't look too pathetic in front of the ladies.

They continue smiling at me, clearly expecting me to say something.

I could say thank you, but I know they don't want thanks.

I could swear to cook for them till we reach Raftel, but that's not my kind of line.

They're accepting me as _me_, not as their cook. So the best thing I can do for them is to show that I'm back to my usual debonair self.

I light a cigarette, and take a deep breath.

"So, which one of you shitheads BROKE THE FUCKING DOOR?"

* * *

**Acknowledgments:** A special thank-you to ColourPearl, whose comment a couple chapters ago inspired the almost-sacrificial!Sanji wanting to storm the Marine base himself bit. Alas, I didn't have the heart/guts to actually let him do it...


	10. Day Twenty Four

**Starvation Diary #2  
**

**Summary: **Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Zoro takes the (swear) words right out of Sanji's mouth. Long chapter. FLUFF. You have been warned.

**Spoilers:** This takes place post-Impel Down, so may contain spoilers for Thriller Bark/Sabaody Archipelago/Impel Down arcs eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Day 24**

* * *

Twentieth day since I last ate and I'm convinced that with fifty years of experience, Brook knows what he's talking about. I feel hungrier now than ever. I guess while I was worrying about how the others would react to my incompetence, I was distracted from the yawning hole in my stomach. I can't ignore the pangs of hunger anymore.

Not when there's an aromatic stew on a slow boil in front of me.

I _really_ need to find something else to worry about.

Like whether this stew is up to my usual standards. Up till now, I've been cooking dishes I'm familiar with, so making them is automatic. But we're scraping the bottom of the barrel now, and I'm cooking a scrawny goat-like creature I've never seen before. I've no idea what herbs to add to balance out its flavour, so I need to taste it.

I stare at the stew and the stew stares back. It's...okay, isn't it? Tasting isn't eating. It's part of my job as the cook. And Nami-san and Robin-chan are going to be eating this. I can't serve them a sub-standard meal.

That settles it. I take a tentative taste of the stew and my brain explodes with delight. I can't even tell what herbs it needs, because it's perfect. Just perfect.

My brain's too dazed to even see that perfection as a warning sign - because nothing's ever perfect the first time I cook it, or even the hundredth time. But the stew has me enthralled as it replenishes the nutrients my body's craved for weeks. I forget that my crew is starving, that I'm supposed to be just tasting this, that I don't _deserve_ to be eating this. I don't hear the (mended) galley door open, I don't even detect the unauthorised entry of one sneaky captain.

So I jump when I hear a soft "shishishishi" from somewhere near my feet. "What the hell? Luffy? What are you doing down there?"

The interruption breaks the spell, brings me crashing back into the present. I realise that my hand's frozen on its way to my mouth - and that half the stew's gravy is missing.

"SHIT! I was supposed to be just tasting this! I ate THAT MUCH?"

"Why're you so mad, Sanji? You looked so happy just a moment ago," Luffy says innocently.

"Because I wasn't supposed to eat this!" When I think of all the people who need this more - how could I have been so selfish? There's Nami-san and Robin-chan, Chopper, Usopp..._Luffy_.

"Why shouldn't you eat it, Sanji? You needed it more than anyone," Luffy reasons. Wait, Luffy - reasoning?

"You're telling me? You're the one who's slinking around like an inchworm because you don't have energy to keep yourself upright!"

"It's kinda fun though!"

"How is collapsing into a quivering ball of rubber every time you try to stand up _fun_?"

"Crawling around is fun! You should try it, Sanji!"

God, I wish I could share Luffy's outlook on life. Then I wouldn't have to feel guilty about yet another thing.

I guess that guilt must be written all over my face, because Luffy folds his arms in an effort at looking stern, which doesn't succeed very well with him lying on the floor.

"Sanji...you're not supposed to feel guilty about anything, remember? Captain's orders!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I sigh. For some reason, the others have made it their mission to make sure that I don't feel guilty about what happened. But it's hard not to, when I see how ravenous they are when they sit down at the table, how quickly they devour their meagre rations, the look of longing in their eyes when they're finished with their meals. And that's just the ones who are eating. It's even worse for Brook, Franky, Zoro...

"Oh, shit!"

"Eh?"

"I _lost_ to Zoro."

"There was a contest?"

"I wasn't going to eat before he ate. Damn, now I have to make him eat something." And that won't be easy, stubborn bastard.

"Oh, I know what he'll like! Zoro likes sweet onigiri," Luffy suggests brightly.

"He does?" But I know for a fact that Zoro hates sweet food. Not that it really matters - I'm all out of rice, anyway.

"And it's gotta have dirt in it!" Luffy continues.

"Dirt?" I repeat uncertainly. Zoro likes dirt in his food? I know Zoro's no gourmet, quite the opposite in fact, but...dirt?

"Let's go look for him now!" Luffy chirps, and starts scooching towards the door.

Don't feel guilty. Captain's orders. Yeah, right.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, come here." I pick Luffy up and put him on my back. It's surprisingly easy - the stew's given me my strength back, and Luffy's a lot lighter than I'd like him to be. At least he's laughing about getting a horseback ride as I carry him outside to find Zoro.

That's easier than I thought it would be, too. He's not up in the crow's nest training as he usually is at this hour, but napping on the deck. I guess the lack of food is finally catching up with him, not that the bastard has the decency to look like he's starving.

"Look at Chopper!" Luffy chuckles in my ear. Chopper's snoozing on the marimo's head, jaw working rhythmically up and down in his sleep.

I nudge Zoro with a foot. "Oi, marimo."

Zoro opens a sleepy eye. "What now?" His gaze shifts up to me, and then up to Luffy, and his lip curls into a bemused smirk. Not that he has anything to laugh at, with Chopper on his head.

"Need you in the galley." Maybe if he smells the stew, he'll be convinced to eat.

"What, you want me to wash dishes or something? Can't that wait? I'm napping."

"Just like Chopper's napping?"

"Yeah, apparently _someone_ tried to sleep-eat him last night, so he's really tired out now," Zoro says, looking pointedly at Luffy.

"Sorry, Zoro!" Luffy apologises cheerfully. "See, I had this great dream about a mountain of meat..."

"Okay, okay, I don't wanna hear it," Zoro says quickly.

"Chopper must be having the same dream right now, seeing as he's grazing on your hair," I observe.

"What? Shit!" The marimo hurriedly gets up, tipping Chopper onto the deck.

"Huh? Wha' happened?" Chopper says sleepily.

"You tried to sleep-eat _me_!" Zoro complains, feeling for his new bald spot.

"Eh? I did? Blech, hair in my mouth!" Chopper says, sticking out his tongue in disgust.

"That's not the problem here!"

"Oi, Zoro, it's not Chopper's fault if he was hungry." I think of adding something else, but decide against it. Not with Luffy right there.

Zoro seems to catch my moment of indecision, though, and looks at me suspiciously.

"What?"

"Didn't think you'd pass up the chance to say, 'it's not Chopper's fault he mistook your hair for grass'."

"Great line, marimo. And no, that wasn't what I was thinking."

"Then what were you thinking, Sanji?" Chopper asks innocently.

"Nothing."

"Bet he's thinking it's all his fault again," Zoro scoffs.

"Were you, Sanji?" Chopper asks, eyes wide.

"No, because I'm not allowed to," I lie, jabbing a thumb towards Luffy.

"Shishishishi! That's right, Sanji!"

"Huh," Zoro says, continuing to stare at me intently. "Well, at least you finally ate."

"Yeah, that's great, Sanji! I was getting really worried about how unhealthy you looked!" Chopper says earnestly.

Huh? How come they could tell so easily that I ate? I guess I must look less skeletal already. Perhaps I should go show the ladies my new, improved appearance. But first, I have a mission to complete - getting Zoro to eat.

"Luffy, why don't you and Chopper go find Usopp and play?" I set Luffy down.

"Okay! C'mon, Chopper! Let's go surprise Usopp!"

We leave the pair slinking across the deck and Zoro turns to me inquiringly. "So what did you want?"

"Just follow me." I push open the galley door and immediately the smell of the stew envelops us.

"Shit, that smells good," Zoro says.

"Doesn't it?" I say proudly. Hey, maybe this'll be easier than I thought. The stew's tendrils of flavour will already have Zoro trapped, and...

"What're you trying to do, torture me?" he continues angrily. So much for the "give me some, I beg you!" reaction I was hoping for.

"Torture you? How is this torture?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"By taunting me with food I can't eat!"

"Then just eat some already! Like I did!"

Zoro folds his arms in a familiar stubborn pose. "I said I wouldn't, so I won't. Not for a month at least."

"A month?" I thought it was just until we got a new batch of food - not that it looks like it'll come any earlier than a month.

"Yeah, a month."

"C'mon, marimo, just eat a little..." I begin. Then I cringe at the wheedling in my voice. "You know what? It's okay, I lose." I'm not going to beg the marimo to eat when I know that my efforts will go to waste anyway. Zoro wouldn't eat food meant for his nakama. Unlike me.

The marimo frowns. "Lose what?"

"Forget it."

"You're still feeling guilty, aren't you?"

"How am I supposed to _not_ feel guilty?" I explode. "I ate half this stew before I even realised it! While you're so starved you can't train, Luffy's so starved he can't walk, and Chopper's so starved he even starts eating your pathetic excuse for hair."

Zoro remains calm under my outburst. "You can't feel guilty, because Luffy said so. Captain's orders."

"Like I can feel un-guilty just because Luffy said so!"

"Is he your captain or isn't he?" Zoro presses, taking one menacing step towards me.

"Yeah, but..."

"But?" Zoro's eyes flash dangerously.

"But nothing," I falter.

"Good," Zoro harrumphs. He turns away and rubs the back of his marimo head with one hand, in what I recognise as a classic - if rare - expression of embarrassment on Zoro's part. "Anyway, even if Luffy didn't say so, there's no reason to feel guilty. You looked so crappy it made everyone hungry just looking at you."

I gape at Zoro's back in astonishment. Is he being..._nice_? With his voice so gruff, I can't tell whether he's being condescending, or he's pitying me, or...well, whatever it is, it's fucking weird, and I want it to stop. "Dammit, marimo, stop trying to cheer me up."

Zoro makes an annoyed sound and I hear him mutter something about ungrateful cooks.

Well, two can play at that game.

"Fucking stubborn marimo bastard."

"Fucking sadistic blond freaks."

"Freak_s_?" I question.

"Yeah, _freaks_. Sadistic blond ones." He waves a hand at the ceiling, indicating what I guess is the smell of the stew.

"Hey, I have to smell my own good cooking all the time," I object.

It's Zoro's turn now to explode. He whirls back round on me and jabs a finger in my chest. "That's the whole fucking point! You're in here torturing yourself everyday with the smell of food, so I don't fucking care if you sneak some or not. Because I know what it's like to have someone torment you with food when you can't fucking eat it, and it sucks. So stop acting like a whiny kid already and get over the fucking guilt, because if Luffy has to repeat his orders one more time I'm gonna kick your ass myself."

So when I take out the swearing and the insults, what Zoro's trying to express, in his usual clumsy way, is...respect? The same kind of grudging respect he once demanded for Luffy while almost ripping his cheek off, I suppose. Damn, I actually feel touched - and relieved.

I rack my brains for an appropriate response, wishing I could just shovel the stew down his throat and we could just settle this with a fight, because things were so much easier when we could rely on our feet and fists to do the communicating for us.

"Like you could, dumbass. I can kick your ass anyday." Hopefully the marimo'll have the brains to interpret that as thanks.

I guess he does, because Zoro gives a token huff that sounds vaguely amused, and turns towards the door.

"And just for the record..." It pains me to be nice to Zoro, but I guess I owe him. "Even if you were the one in here cooking, I bet you wouldn't have snuck anything even today." If anyone here's an expert at self-denial, it would be Zoro.

Zoro shrugs. "I've had practice, that's all."

"Yeah, what's that all about?" I ask. "Who's the blond freak?"

"You, and why the fuck am I still in here?" He pushes his way outside, and I set the timer on the stew and follow him out.

"No, you said 'freaks'. Assuming I'm one of them, who's the other one? Or ones?"

"Spoiled brat of a son of a Marine captain in Shelltown," Zoro says shortly.

"What did he do to you?"

"Ah, forget I ever said anything," Zoro says dismissively, settling down again and wrapping an arm protectively around his katana.

But I'm curious, and it'll be a good distraction. I sit down by him and pull out a cigarette. "Was this after you joined the crew?"

"No, it was from right around the time I met Luffy. It was the reason I met Luffy, actually." Maybe Zoro's thinking it would be a good distraction from his hunger too, because I've never heard him volunteer this much information about his past before. I know how Usopp joined the crew - well, I've heard his version of events, at least. Several times, in fact, each time more epic than the last - and of course I was there when we freed Nami-san's island from Arlong's grip, so I know about that too.

But I've never heard how Zoro and Luffy got together. I never even thought to ask. Even though they're as different as a captain and first mate can be, they seem to go together so well, like they've known each other forever.

"But weren't you a bounty hunter then? Why would you be arrested by the Marines?"

Zoro sighs long enough and loud enough to let me know he really doesn't appreciate the question, but he embarks on the story anyway.

"I was bringing in a bounty to the Marine base in the town. Hadn't eaten in a week 'cause I'd run out of money, so I was starv- hungry," he amends. I guess his conception of starvation has changed a little in the past three weeks.

"So after collecting the bounty, I headed to a tavern and ordered some food. I was just sitting there minding my own business when this brat swaggered in with a couple of Marines and a huge dog. Dog wasn't on a leash, so it began eating the food right off people's plates, and they freaked out. Then this girl came up with a broom and started swinging it at the dog and telling it to go away."

"Plucky girl. What was her name?"

"Rika, and don't go thinking any perverted thoughts, ero-cook, 'cause she was only about six years old."

"Oh." I'm impressed that Zoro still remembers her name after all this time though.

"'Course, the dog was bigger than her so it attacked..."

"And that's when you come into the picture," I guess.

"Yeah, I took the barstool next to me and threw it at the dog's head. Knocked it out cold. And the blond brat took offence at me for attacking his dog, so he tried to attack me with his sword."

I can easily imagine how that encounter went. Kid probably didn't know what hit him.

"I punched him and drew my sword on him. Told him he and his dog were a nuisance. And he began threatening to execute the woman who ran the tavern and her daughter - the little girl."

"But they didn't even do anything!" How dare that brat threaten a lady and a child?

"Yeah, but he'd been using his father's authority to terrorise the whole town by threatening to report them for the littlest thing. Anyway, he proposed a deal. If I went to jail instead of them, he'd let them off the hook."

"To jail? Not execution?"

"Yeah, I guess he thought I'd just run him through if I was gonna die anyway. Probably right. The deal was for thirty days. If I could survive thirty days in the Marine jail, he'd let me free, and them too."

"Sounds fishy." And familiar. Didn't Zoro say something about a month?

"I didn't really have a choice," Zoro shrugs. "Even if I killed him and his guards, there was still a whole base full of Marines who could level the town and kill the girl and her mother anyway."

"So you agreed?" So pre-Luffy Zoro was already like the self-sacrificing type, huh.

"I figured it was only thirty days, and I'd seen Marine jails, can't say they're the best accommodations in the world but I'd been in worse. So yeah, I agreed."

"What made him think you wouldn't survive thirty days then?"

"Well, once they arrested me and marched me up to the base, instead of putting me in a cell they tied me to a stake in the execution yard. And they didn't give me food or water for a month. And they beat me up everyday, but that didn't really count 'cause they were real weaklings."

"Couldn't you escape?" I've seen and felt enough of Zoro's brute strength to know that ropes and a stake aren't enough to hold him down.

"If I had, they would've killed the woman and girl anyway," he reminds me.

"So...you starved for a whole month?" I gape. No wonder Zoro's been tolerating this so well. And come to think of it...that must've been what Luffy meant when he said Zoro was good at starving.

"Nah, it wound up being only twenty days." That's exactly how long it's been this time too. I'm sure Zoro knows that too, he counts everything.

"So what happened after twenty days?"

"Luffy," Zoro says simply.

"What was he doing in Shelltown?"

"Looking for me. He heard how strong I was, so he was thinking of asking me to join his crew."

"His crew of one, you mean?"

Zoro smiles a little. "Yeah, he didn't tell me about that till after I agreed."

"But you said you had to survive a month. How'd you manage to not get the lady and her daughter killed?"

"We defeated the Marine captain."

"Okay, there was a bit of a narrative gap there." Idiot marimo has no idea how to tell a story. Maybe Usopp should give him some lessons.

"You're the one who interrupted me. Let's see...when I first saw Luffy...it was when that girl I mentioned, Rika, came to give me some onigiri to eat."

"Was that allowed?"

"She could've been executed for it, but like you said, she was a plucky girl. I tried to get her to go away but she just stood there bleating about how she'd put her whole heart into making the rice balls." Zoro's voice turns gruff, and I know he was touched by the gesture. He really is such a big softie sometimes.

"And of course the blond brat had to choose that moment to come into the execution yard and catch her in the act of 'aiding and abetting a criminal'."

"What happened?"

"He ate one of her rice balls. Spat it out immediately, saying it was too sweet. Then he stomped the other into the ground."

"Bastard," I growl. Wasting food _and_ insulting a little girl at the same time.

"What was worse, he got one of his marines to throw her out."

"Like, _physically_ throw her out?"

"Yeah, over the wall."

"What happened to her?"

"Luffy caught her. He'd been peering over the wall with that pink-haired friend of his, Coby, so he saw the whole thing."

"If I ever see that bastard, I'll kick his ass," I promise.

"You've already seen him. He's a Marine now along with Coby, under Luffy's grandfather's command."

"What, that guy?" I vaguely recall a weedy blond kid with a weird hairstyle.

"Yeah, that guy."

"Huh."

"So we argued a little and he went off again, and Luffy came over the wall to talk to me."

"Did he ask you to join his crew?"

"No, said he needed to figure out whether I was a good guy first."

That's Luffy all right. And then my brain belatedly makes the connection - the girl - onigiri - too sweet - stamped into the ground. "Wait, so you ate that onigiri off the ground?"

Zoro goes a bit pink. "Yeah. I asked Luffy to pick it off the ground and feed it to me."

"So just now you almost chewed my head off for offering you a spoonful of stew and called it torture, but back then you subjected yourself to it willingly?"

Zoro turns even pinker. "What? The girl was really upset at her riceball going to waste, so...I couldn't reject her kindness, okay?"

Okay, it's official. Zoro's the biggest softie in the world.

"'S not like you would've done anything different," Zoro grumbles.

Damn, he's right. "And then what happened?"

"Luffy went off."

"Just like that? Without untying you?"

"Wouldn't have gone with him even if he had. He came back a while later and started trying to persuade me to become his nakama."

"He decided you were a good guy after all?"

"Yeah, he heard from the girl about what happened, so apparently I became the good guy." And we all know that Luffy only recruits good guys into his crew.

"And did you agree to join Luffy?"

"No way. Why would I want to become a pirate? And he seemed like a crazy over-inquisitive kid. But he wouldn't take no for an answer."

Definitely Luffy.

"He'd heard I was a swordsman so he offered to go get my katana for me. Blond bastard took them from me when I was arrested. So Luffy stormed the base single-handedly. That was the first time I saw his gomu-gomu moves. I thought I was hallucinating."

"Hunger can do that to you," I nod.

"Anyway, he went off to storm the base single-handed, I heard a huge crash after a while, figured it must be Luffy's handiwork. And after that Coby came along and tried to untie me."

"Tried? He didn't bring a knife?"

"No, he was an idiot. And his fingers were shaking the whole time so he didn't get anywhere. I didn't want him to untie me anyway, I still had ten days left to go before the girl and her mom would be off the hook. But he told me that the blond bastard was planning to have me executed the next day anyway."

"But what about your deal?"

"He never intended to keep it in the first place." Zoro's eyes take on that familiar shadowed, angry look. Probably the people he hates most in the world are those who don't keep their promises.

"I was thinking, should I stay or run, and then the Marine captain himself showed up - Axehand Morgan, his name was." Axehand Morgan – I remember reading about him in the newspaper, about how he had been removed from his post. I never knew that was Luffy and Zoro's doing.

"The Marines shot Coby - it was just a surface wound though, and then they were going to shoot me, for insurrection or something. And...they did."

"How'd you survive an execution squad?" I wonder.

"Luffy. He jumped down from the base right in front of me and Coby and protected us. I thought he was a goner, but of course the bullets just bounced off him. Morgan asked who he was, and he said he was the man who would become the Pirate King."

There's a different look in Zoro's eyes now. It's more than gratitude. It's pride. It was probably the first time he'd met someone with a dream even bigger than his own.

"It was the first time any of us had seen a Devil's Fruit user before, so the Marines were equally stunned. And while they weren't shooting Luffy started untying the knots."

"Didn't you say he went to get your katana?"

"Yeah, but the idiot didn't think to use them on the ropes," Zoro snorts.

Well, what can you expect from Luffy?

"And he asked me to join his crew again. And this time I said yes."

I can understand why. Luffy didn't just save Zoro's life, he saved Zoro's dream. And Zoro always repays his debts. Well, except the one he owes to Nami-san. He'd have to let Nami-san turn him in to the Marines to earn enough money to pay her back.

"Anyway, Morgan ordered the Marines to come at us with swords, which Luffy could've been hurt by, so I yelled at him to just give me my swords already and I stopped them. I told him that I was going to be the greatest swordsman in the world. He was the first person, since I started travelling, who didn't laugh."

He didn't laugh at All Blue either, I remember. Just looked at me bug-eyed in wonder.

"And I told him..." Zoro hesitates for a moment, then he continues, "I told him that I'd join his crew, but if he ever got in the way of my dream, I'd kill him."

"Really." I can barely bite back my disbelief. This, from the man who almost gave up his dream at Thriller Bark for our goofball of a captain.

"Yeah, really. So between the two of us we managed to finish off Morgan and his bratty son." Zoro concludes.

"And the Marines?"

"We didn't need to finish off the whole lot. Turned out the Marines were as terrified of Morgan as the townspeople were. Once we defeated him they began celebrating, saying they were free at last. Morgan was arrested."

"And you got to eat at last."

"Yeah, I kind of collapsed," Zoro admits. "I think I ate twenty plates of food at the tavern afterwards. Luffy ate even more, even though he wasn't starving."

"He really is a bottomless pit," I sigh.

"Yeah, I knew from the start he would be a troublesome captain." But Zoro's grinning, and I know he's thinking what I'm thinking. That we wouldn't trade our hammer of a captain for anyone in the world.

Then I hear a loud crunch, and a cry of "Captain-bro, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Franky's voice.

"Here we go again," I sigh.

"I hope he hasn't damaged the ship too badly _this_ time," Zoro mutters.

"He's pretty weak right now, I can't see what he could have done," I reply.

Franky comes storming by a second later, Usopp trailing behind him.

"Oi, Franky, what did Luffy do?" Zoro asks.

"Took a bite out of the Sunny's railing," Franky fumes. He's usually a pretty even-tempered guy, but hurt the ship and he gets mad, as both Zoro and I know.

"He ate the railing? What made him think it was edible?"

"He said something about a hippo eating the Going Merry before. But that doesn't mean Captain-bro's allowed to eat this ship! Adam Wood's expensive stuff!"

"He means Wapol," Usopp adds, though I don't think that helps Franky much.

If Luffy's so hungry he feels the need to eat wood...

"Sorry, Franky, I - "

"Nothing to apologise for, Sanji-bro!" Franky interrupts quickly. "And I'm glad to see that you ate! Super!" He gives me a thumbs-up and disappears down the hold, presumably to get supplies to mend the ship. Usopp follows, giving me a cheerful grin of support.

And, how did they know again? Whatever. The situation seems under control, so I venture, "So when you said you got tortured by a blond freak..."

"He used to set up a table and eat 'afternoon tea' in front of me. That was worse than the beatings."

"So which is worse, back then or now?" I ask jokingly, but really, I'm kinda curious.

"'Bout the same," he grunts. "I had an annoying blond bastard bothering me back then, I have an annoying blond bastard bothering me now."

I know I should be kicking his face in for that, but as a reward for telling me the story, I'll restrain myself.

"But seriously?"

"Back then was worse, I guess. I couldn't move, so I was bored stiff. At least now, I have nakama."

It's surprising to hear that line coming from Zoro. He can be such a lone wolf sometimes. I was surprised back then too, when I found out the guy who'd been laughing and eating and drinking with his crewmates on the Baratie was the notorious Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro, Demon of East Blue. I thought he'd be a lot older and meaner.

"So how'd you survive the boredom in addition to the hunger?"

"Meditation."

"You, meditating?" I snort. I've heard Brook mention that Zoro meditates sometimes, but it's hard to think of Zoro doing that.

"It clears my mind of every thought and emotion. I don't even remember that I'm hungry."

"Huh. Maybe I should try it."

"Yeah, right. You wouldn't last ten seconds without an erotic thought going through your mind, ero-cook."

"So that's why you can do it, 'cause your brain's already empty," I retort.

Zoro harrumphs. "Seriously, you could use to meditate sometimes, clear all your stupid little worries out of your head."

"What d'you mean, 'stupid little worries'?" I flare.

"Like, instead of worrying about what the others would think of you, you could've just told everyone from the beginning. But you just had to go make a big scene. Drama queen."

"D'you mind not using that word?" I've been rather sensitive about it ever since the others came to get me off Kamabakka. Before the marimo can seize on the chance to tease me about that incident for the thousandth time, I continue, "I was hoping that we'd catch a sea king or meet a ship before we ran out, so no one would have to starve."

"What, with your luck?" Zoro snorts.

Yeah, yeah, the luck that gave me Duval's face on my wanted poster - when are the Marines going to get round to changing the fucking thing anyway, do I have to march up to a Marine base and pose for a photo? The luck that made the Pacifista send me to an island of tranvestites, of all places. The luck that made me the last person who got collected when we reunited, so that every last crew member got to see me in drag. _That_ luck.

"But of course _you _would hope on," Zoro continues. "You're the one who believes in an imaginary sea."

"Who says All Blue is imaginary?" I challenge.

"Only about everyone in the world minus two crazy cooks."

I can't believe Zoro, of all people, is mocking my dream. But I guess it's only logical. Where in the world is there room for All Blue?

Wait a minute...the marimo's _never_ logical.

"What about you? Do you think All Blue is out there?"

Zoro shrugs. "I've walked on clouds, I have a dead man for a crewmate, and I follow a captain made of rubber. What makes All Blue less likely than any of those things?"

It's not a yes, but at least it's not a no either.

"It kept me alive before, you know - All Blue. Back on that rock. I knew I had to live on, because I was going to find it someday." Man, I'm confiding in Zoro, of all people. Miracles will never cease.

"Yeah, I get that." I knew he would, even if he is an idiot. Zoro's the same. If it weren't for his dream, he'd just be an ordinary man, and he'd be dead twenty times over by now, with all the injuries he's taken.

But at least his dream is something he can work towards, with his own sweat and tears and blood. I can't just cook and kick and dream my way to All Blue. It makes me feel so fucking helpless sometimes.

Zoro gets up. "Sanji..."

He called me _Sanji_! _He_ called me Sanji! He called _me_...

...

Okay, I'll shut up now.

"If All Blue doesn't exist..."

I get the sudden urge to cover my ears with my hands. I don't want to hear pity. I don't want to know what the consolation prize is. I don't want to hear "it's the journey that counts". It's All Blue or nothing. I'd feel ridiculous if I've lived all my life for a dream that can't come true. What would it be like to watch the others achieve their goals, while mine remains forever unfulfilled because it was just a figment of some bored sea cook's imagination?

But I don't cover my ears, because that would be childish, and I've had enough of the marimo bastard mocking me for my weakness. So the end of his sentence rings clearly in my ears.

"If All Blue doesn't exist, we'll fucking _make_ it exist."

He struts off - where does the bastard get the energy to _strut_, for God's sake? - leaving me open-mouthed.

I get a mental image of Zoro slicing Reverse Mountain to pieces, Luffy pummelling it with his Gomu Gomu no Gatling Gun attack, Usopp attacking it with a flaming cannonball, Nami-san bringing lightning crashing down on it, Franky aiming his Strong Right at it, Robin-chan growing arms to tear the mountain apart piece by piece, Chopper punching it in Heavy Point, Brook and Laboon crashing into the base. I deliver the finishing blow in the form of a Collier Kick, sending the gigantic fragments crashing into the sea. The mountain collapses to the sea bed, and the four Blues pour into the void, bringing fish from every sea along with them.

_All Blue_.

That would be cheating, though.

Who cares, brain?

I guess it could work.

Yes, it could.

I begin to grin, slowly, stupidly.

Well, that was nice of Zoro.

Shut up, br-

My mental conversation is interrupted by a scream. Chopper's voice, this time. "LUFFY! HELP!"

Damn it, what's he gone and done now?

My heart starts to pound and I race towards the source of the scream. I can hear the clatter around me as everyone reacts. But I get there first, I see Chopper pointing to the hole in the railing - apparently Luffy managed to fall off the ship through the astonishingly big hole he made himself, which is nothing short of idiotic but seems like typical Luffy. I kick off my shoes and prepare to jump in.

"Sanji-kun, wait! I'll do it!" I hear Nami-san's voice behind me as she comes running up.

"It's okay, Nami-san! I ate!" I reassure her, taking off my jacket.

"Oh yeah, you did," she says, looking at me in wonder. Maybe I really do look better. But I haven't the time to ponder for the third time how it's so blindingly obvious that I ate. I have to save Luffy. I take a deep breath and plunge into the water - fuck, it's _freezing _- and look around in the depressingly clear sea.

Maybe it's the purity of the water, but Luffy's sinking really fast into the darkness below, hand clamped over his mouth, eyes squeezed tightly shut. I have to swim like mad to catch up with him. Finally I grab him and put his arm around my shoulder in a familiar movement and push up towards the light, lungs bursting for air. It's a relief when we finally pierce the surface and I gasp desperately for breath, and Luffy begins to cough.

"Here, hand him up," I hear Zoro's voice say. I look up and see that the marimo's leaning through the hole Luffy made. I manoeuvre Luffy upwards and he grabs Luffy easily to pull him up. Then he reaches back down for me, and in a second we're both back on deck, wheezing for air and wet through as Chopper frets over us.

"Luffy, what were you thinking?" Nami-san tuts.

"Sorry, Nami, we were just playing," Luffy says, giving her a tired smile.

"I'll patch up the hole right away before any more accidents happen," Franky says worriedly.

I feel suddenly exhausted under the eyes of my nakama, as if all the energy the stew gave me is gone. But at least I had enough energy to be useful. To save Luffy.

"You two should go get changed," Chopper says. "You might catch a cold!"

"Okay," I say tiredly, pulling myself to my feet.

"You may want to take care of that gravy stain as well, Sanji-san," Robin-chan says helpfully.

"Hai, Robin-ch..." Wait, gravy stain? I look down and see a huge splotch of gravy on my tie, still there despite the drenching. Is this how everyone...? I turn beet red.

"Why didn't you guys tell me about this?" I yell, pulling off my tie. Luffy, Zoro, Chopper, Franky, Usopp...they must all have seen it! Why didn't they fucking mention _something_ before the _ladies_ saw it?

Zoro shrugs. "How are we supposed to know what is and isn't a part of your ridiculous get-ups?"

So much for thinking he was being _nice_! I storm off to the boys' quarters to get changed. When I return, the attention has turned - thankfully - away from my embarrassing fashion accessory to Luffy's refusal to change his clothes.

"Look, they're already dry!"

"Honestly, you're just like a child sometimes!" Nami-san lectures. "If you're going to do silly things like that, we'll have to employ a babysitter to watch you! Hmm..." Nami-san trails off contemplatively.

Next to me, Zoro starts sneaking away, and I reach out and catch his sleeve before he can make a break for it.

"Zoro! Sanji-kun! You two are responsible for Luffy from now on! Make sure he doesn't get into any accidents!"

"Hai, Nami-san!" I immediately respond to my goddess's command.

"What the hell?" the marimo growls. "I'm not babysitting anyone!"

"If you do, I'll lower your debt by 20 percent," Nami-san offers generously - not that Zoro deserves that much consideration.

"But I'm not a freaking babysitter!" he protests.

"But you seemed to be doing such a good job of it back at Water 7, Swordsman-san," Robin-chan says, smiling sweetly at Zoro, which makes me feel kind of jealous. No, more curious than jealous, especially when Zoro goes even redder than I did over the gravy stain.

"Shut up, woman!" he bellows.

"Oi, marimo, don't you dare talk to Robin-chan like that!"

"Oh, Zoro and Sanji are gonna look after us? Yay!" Luffy says, recovering his bright grin.

"Us? Who's us?" Zoro asks.

"Chopper's even younger than me, so he needs to be looked after too!"

"Chopper is nowhere near as much trouble as you," Zoro grumbles.

"Shut up, bastard! Saying that doesn't make me happy!" Chopper giggles.

"Well, that's settled. Zoro and Sanji will take care of Luffy and Chopper. If anything happens to the two of them, I'm holding you two responsible," Nami-san warns, unnecessarily - as if I would do anything to disappoint her.

"Hai, Nami-san!" I respond eagerly. The marimo says nothing, just mumbles something about witches under his breath.

The crew disperses gradually towards their respective activities, leaving the four of us on deck.

"So, what'll we play?" Luffy says eagerly.

"Nap time," Zoro growls, picking Luffy up by the scruff of his neck and stalking towards an uneaten part of the railing.

"Aww, Zoro! No fun!" Luffy pouts as he's deposited on the floor.

"You're tired, so you need sleep. Nap time," Zoro says firmly. I suddenly wonder what kind of dad he would make.

Zoro, a dad? Huh, as if he could ever find a woman blind enough to bear his children.

"Okay," Luffy gives in. "But I get to be on Zoro's head!"

"But that's my spot!" Chopper protests.

"The captain always gets to ride on the head!"

"Just go to sleep already," Zoro yawns, which sets both Chopper and Luffy yawning too. They snuggle in on either side of Zoro, leaving me feeling slightly left out. But I do have another job to do, unlike the crew's "pet".

"I've gotta check on the stew. You okay with them?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah, they're not going anywhere," Zoro replies.

As I turn towards the galley, I'm caught by two extra-long arms and pulled into a sleepy, rubbery, completely unexpected hug. "Thanks for saving me today, Sanji. I'd never become Pirate King if it wasn't for you guys," Luffy says.

Dammit, just when I wanted to be pissed off, he goes and does something like this, smiles that disarming smile at me, makes me actually feel wanted and secure. _He'd never be Pirate King if it weren't for me._

Hey, wait a minute. That totally doesn't jibe with what he said just a few days ago.

"I thought you said there was nothing I could do that could prevent you from becoming Pirate King."

"Nope! But there's lots of things you do to help me become Pirate King!"

"But if we didn't do them, then you wouldn't be Pirate King," I object.

"Yeah, but you wouldn't not do them, so it's okay."

I think Luffy's logic just broke my brain. I give up trying to compute that after a while, and decide to just be touched by the sentiment. "Go to sleep, Luffy."

"Mmm." Luffy curls into a contented ball by the marimo.

"How sweet," Robin-chan comments, appearing by my side, and Zoro goes pink. I can tell he's just itching to shout something scathing in reply, but with the two kids gently snoring next to him, he can't.

"I heard the timer go off in the galley, Sanji-san," Robin-chan informs me.

"Perhaps you would care to accompany me to taste-test dinner, Robin-chan," I say gallantly. With her by my side, the stew can't conquer me this time.

"Certainly, Sanji-san, provided I'm not required to wear it."

I go pink with embarrassment, which multiplies when I hear a snigger from behind me. That bastard...

"Of course not, Robin-chan!" I coo, leading Robin-chan towards the galley. "By the way, who exactly was the marimo babysitting on Water 7?"

I smile a satisfied smile when I hear the muffled explosion from the marimo. Revenge is sweet.

"I'm afraid I am sworn to secrecy. But perhaps Swordsman-san will find it within him to share the story someday," Robin-chan says once we're out of earshot, her eyes twinkling with humour.

"Maybe," I agree, but somehow I doubt it.

I offer Robin-chan a taste of the stew, and I go into a paroxysm of delight when she pronounces it delicious.

She puts down the tasting bowl and looks at me thoughtfully. "It was most fortunate that you happened to eat on the same day Captain-san chose to fall off the ship."

"Yeah, it worked out." I sure don't feel guilty about eating that stew anymore.

"Things always do seem to work out on this ship, don't they?"

I couldn't agree more.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

The idea about Sanji tasting something and it taking over his brain was dandy wonderous's idea. Thank you, dandy-chan! I don't think I did your idea justice, but it gave me a nice segue into the Zoro flashback. Also, I should acknowledge that part of this story (Zoro recounting how he joined the crew) to Sanji is similar to her story "Claustrophobia". If you haven't read it, I encourage you to go check it out! shimaCROW, I hope this works for you as a peaceful chitchat between Zoro and Sanji, although given the fact that it's the Thousand Sunny, it wasn't quite so peaceful!

Few more detailed notes:

_...hippo guy..._

Wapol was the king of Drum Kingdom. He had the Baku-Baku no Mi, which meant that he could eat just about anything, including the Going Merry. You'd think Luffy was the one with that ability, but no.

_The luck that made me the last person who got collected when we reunited, so that every last crew member got to see me in drag._

I totally made this up (or more likely, I saw this on op-fanforall, since it's practically canon over there). But I wouldn't be surprised if Oda tortured Sanji this way. Either that or have the Marines take a picture of him in drag and make that into his wanted poster. Something along those lines.

_He called me _Sanji_! _He_ called me Sanji! He called _me_..._

...

That was Sanji's subconscious talking. And his conscious shutting down in protest.

_I get a mental image of Zoro slicing Reverse Mountain to pieces..._

I'm an adherent to the idea that All Blue's under Reverse Mountain. (Maybe along with Raftel. And the Rio Poneglyph.) Where else could it be, really...

_But you seemed to be doing such a good job of it back at Water 7, Swordsman-san..._

From an anime filler, Episode 318. It's hilarious. I use it to torture Zoro way too often (this is the third fic where I've used it). Thank you, Toei Animation or whoever came up with that plot idea.

_Huh, as if he could ever find a woman blind enough to bear his children._

Oh, Sanji. How little you know. :-P

_"It was fortunate that you happened to eat on the same day Captain-san chose to fall off the ship..."_

Whether Luffy chose to roll off the ship on purpose is left as an exercise for the reader.


	11. Day Twenty Seven

**Starvation Diary #2**

**Summary:** Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Some swearing, and depending on how fragile your stomach is, you may not want to be eating while you're reading this. And somehow, despite all attempts to get away from it, the angst continues.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Day 27**

* * *

Day 27 finds me draped over the Sunny's railing, mentally composing a letter to the shit geezer. I've no idea how to get it to him - a message in a bottle is just cheesy, and if there were actually carrier pigeons out here in the middle of fucking nowhere I wouldn't have to write this thing. But what the hell, someone someday will find it and let him know what happened.

_Dear Shit Geezer._

"Dear"? What the hell?

_Oi, Shit Geezer._

There, that's better.

_Oi, Shit Geezer. Something funny happened to the way to All Blue..._

Actually, it's not funny at all.

_Something fucking ironic happened on the way to All Blue, I found the opposite - Empty Blue. Dead Blue. The sea that contains no food whatsoever. Just what every sea cook wants._

"Think you're telling me something I don't know, little eggplant?"

Great, now the shit geezer's voice is in my head, along with the demented part of my brain that's obsessed with recipes for reindeer meat and freaks out whenever Zoro says something remotely nice.

Nope, nobody in here but the two of us!

Then where's the shit geezer's voice coming from?

"Over here, little eggplant."

I raise my head wearily and I blink. Twice. Three times, as a ship shimmers into visibility out of the haze.

That can't possibly be the Baratie, I left it in East Blue, objects the part of my brain that can still think logically.

Baratie's a ship, blockhead, it can sail wherever it wants.

Part of me still finds the idea of the Baratie barrelling over Reverse Mountain absurd, but who am I to doubt the ship I see before me, the smells of home wafting over to my nostrils, and the familiar figure I see leaning on _its_ railings?

I feel my face breaking into a grin, and my hands waving frantically, before I can even tell myself not to show too much emotion before the shit geezer.

"OIIIIIIIIIIIII! Everyone, look!" I holler, wondering why I'm the only one who's seen the Baratie so far. Whoever's on watch must have fallen asleep.

"It's okay, little eggplant," the shit geezer says. "They don't need to know I'm here." Somehow his voice carries clearly over the water towards me, even though I'm too far away to see his lips move.

"What the hell are you _doing_ here?" I ask. I don't even try to hide the broken relief in my voice, I'm just so glad that he's here.

"This is the perfect place to open a floating restaurant," the shit geezer shrugs. That's funny, I was just thinking exactly the same thing. The supply run would be hell, and we wouldn't get many customers, but whoever does make it would be willing to pay a fortune for the food. I know I would, right now.

"So you've been here before? You _knew_ about Dead Blue?"

"You're a hundred years too early to lecture me about the mysteries of the Grand Line, little eggplant. I spent a whole year on the Grand Line. 'Course I know about Dead Blue. I've even starved in it."

"Then why didn't you fucking warn me about it, shit geezer?" I ask bitterly. He's always been like this. Everything I've learned from him, it's been by eavesdropping and peering over shoulders and getting battered by a peg-leg. Why can't he be like a normal father sometimes - I mean, a normal guardian or whatever the hell he considers himself - and just say things outright?

I regret now not preparing myself better for the rigours of the Grand Line. I should've snuck a look at that precious journal of his, for example. But back then, I never thought I would be leaving the Baratie until...well, I didn't want to think about it. So I never did. I never realised he had so much to teach me.

"I told you to make sure you had at least three months worth of food when you sailed from anywhere," he says in his usual dry, sarcastic tone, reminding me how much I used to loathe it - and how much I've missed it.

"How could I forget? Owner Zeff's Rule #1 of Food Stocking. You literally pounded it into my head." And I _have_ tried to follow it, although adjusting for Luffy's appetite - not to mention the unexpectedly big appetites of some of the other members of the crew - Usopp and Chopper come to mind - was hard in the beginning.

"Well, d'you think I just pulled that number out of my ass?"

Three months...the time it takes to cross Dead Blue. He _had_ tried to teach me. He'd given me this precious piece of wisdom gained through hard experience, so I could avoid inflicting the same fate on my crew - and I'd failed to learn the lesson.

I know Luffy and the crew don't blame me for it. Hell, I'm not even allowed to feel guilty about it. But they're not the only ones I've disappointed. Making a shitty broth is one thing, but when he finds out that I've let my crew go hungry - that I've failed in the most basic duty of a sea cook - he's going to kick my ass so hard, I shudder just imagining it.

Who am I kidding? He doesn't need to "find out". He already knows. Why else would he be here, other than to save my life - again?

God, I'm in so much trouble.

It comes as a surprise when he speaks again, because his voice isn't angry, like I expect, or dry and sarcastic, like I remember, but regretful, almost like an old man's.

"I was a pirate for a long time, and many's the time when we didn't have enough food to eat."

Great. Shit geezer must've gone senile on me. If I've heard this once, I've heard it a hundred times. _And whenever I remember those times, I think, wouldn't it be great if there was a restaurant in the middle of the sea? If I get off this island alive, I'll invest everything in building a floating restaurant._ His new dream, to replace the one that I destroyed. We did that. We opened the Baratie, we fed everyone who came who was hungry, whether they deserved it or not. So why is he telling me this again?

"Every time it happened, I swore it would never happen again. I would stockpile more food, invent new storage methods, experiment with new dried goods...but then something unexpected would happen, and it would turn out not to be enough," Zeff's voice sighs.

Wait, so I'm not in trouble?

The same thing happened to _him_? He was always so anal about the food supply at the Baratie, I never imagined that he would ever let this happen. I thought the only thing that could make him starve was a freak storm washing a random kid overboard, who happened to share his dream of All Blue.

"Remember, little eggplant, the sea is cruel. And worse, it's unpredictable. There are things that are beyond even a sea cook's control. Especially on the Grand Line." The words are uncharacteristically gentle, to the point that I barely believe they're coming from the shit geezer's mouth – until I remember him telling me "don't you go getting yourself sick, now" when I left, in exactly the same tone, and to the same reaction.

Tears prick at my eyes, as they have all too often since this whole shitty episode started, and suddenly I have only one desire in the world. More than anything else, more than food, I just want to be right there by his side, even if all it gets me is a kick in the rump.

"Well, that's all I came to say. You know how to take care of yourself." The figure on the Baratie gives a casual wave, and before my bewildered eyes, the Baratie begins to shrink as it speeds off in the opposite direction, a lot faster than I ever thought it could move.

"Wait! You're not going already?" I holler after it desperately.

"Idiot. Men should just say goodbye quietly."

"I'm not talking about saying fucking goodbye! I don't need your fucking absolution, my crew needs food!"

But the figure's already disappeared from the upper deck, and I know he didn't hear.

My head throbs with a single thought: we have to go after him. I turn to look for Nami-san, explain everything to her, when I hear her voice issuing the tail-end of a command I can't quite catch.

"Ow! Right away, Nami-sis!" Franky responds, clambering nimbly up the rigging to adjust the sails. She must have seen the Baratie and ordered us to turn to meet it, I think with relief.

But instead of turning to port, instead of carrying us closer to the Baratie and Zeff, the ship makes a hard right.

"Oi! Franky! You're turning us the wrong way!" I yell up the mast.

"What's that, Cook-bro? Nami-sis told me to go this-a-way," Franky shrugs and says, pointing towards open ocean.

He must've mixed up Nami-san's orders. Apparently the marimo's idiocy is contagious. I turn to Nami-san, and I see her studying her palm intently. "Nami-san, look, we have to go that way! The shit geezer - Owner Zeff is there!"

She looks up at me with a puzzled look, her gaze following my finger in the direction of the stern. "Sanji-kun, there's no one there."

I whirl around to look. The Baratie's gone, already past the horizon. My heart lurches. "Look, they've gotten too far away! We have to go after them! Now!"

"Sanji-kun?" Nami-san's eyes are wide with shock, and I realise that my wrist is curled around her slender forearm in a tight grip. Before I can even tell it to let go, a fist of iron tears my hand away from her, leaving five angry red impressions where my fingers desecrated her pale skin.

"What's the matter, Cook-bro?"

My head swims as I try to process what I've just done. What _is _the matter with me? I hurt a lady. Not just any lady. _Nami-san_. A wave of revulsion washes over me, and only Franky's grip keeps me upright.

"Nami-san, I..." My voice chokes off. I can't find any words...there _aren't _any words abject enough to apologise for what I've done. I'm supposed to be the one protecting her, not hurting her. If the shit geezer saw this, he'd kick my ass into orbit.

A cool hand presses at my forehead, and I hear Nami-san's worried voice. "Franky, Sanji-kun's sick. Go get Chopper, will you?"

"Sure thing, Nami-sis!" Franky releases his hold on me and I manage to stay upright for a few seconds while his heavy footsteps clump away. Only when he's disappeared into the infirmary do my legs give way under me.

"Sanji-kun?"

I press a hand to my mouth, fighting the waves of nausea that are threatening to turn my stomach upside-down. With my other arm I claw my way to the side of the ship, hoping against hope I can get there before I throw up all over the deck.

"Sanji-kun!" I feel a comforting hand on my back, but even that doesn't help as I heave the contents of my stomach over the side of the ship.

Or rather, I _would_ be heaving the contents of my stomach over the side, if I actually had anything in my stomach.

My innards return to what passes for normal after a few ineffectual dry heaves, and I lie there, staring into the mesmerising blue sea.

And then I see the shadows in the water, each tracing out a distinctive shape I've seen many times on paper, and only once in real life. Elephant trunk tuna, a species native to South Blue. A whole school of it. I never even got to taste it, Luffy got to it first.

As my eyes adjust, I see more shapes, almost leaping out of the pages of my book on the fish of the four Blues. Boa salmon, West Blue. Rainbow dragonfish, North Blue. Orangetail, East Blue.

There's only one possible conclusion. I've died and gone to heaven. Cook's heaven. I've found All Blue.

The shit geezer was so close. But the Thousand Sunny's fast, Franky won't mind using a barrel of cola to catch up with him. We can go after him in just a bit.

I need to see this for myself.

I kick off my shoes, shrugging off the hand clutching at my back, and jump into the water.

As I descend into the deep, deep blue, the last thing I hear are the cries of my nakama, screaming my name.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

And then Sanji died and we never got to figure out what happened to the rest of the crew 'cause he was the narrator. The end.

Noooooo! Don't kill me don't kill me please!!!

Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. Writing sick and delirious 1st person POV is super hard. I experimented with several different ways of writing this chapter, and this one was the least sucky (in my opinion), even if it doesn't actually manage to crawl out of the pit of suck. That'll teach me to write a multi-parter in 1st person from now on. I figured that he'd sound lucid to himself, and his own mind would smooth over any logical gaps in what he was imagining. Any OOCness or confusion, I blame on Sanji's being too sick to narrate properly.

Well, at least it's written, and I can proceed at last to the next chapter. And yes, there will be more chapters. I was just kidding. *is killed by reviewers* Thank you all for the reviews last chapter, by the way, you're all awesome.

P.S. -JansenFriedh827- totally called this one.


	12. Day Twenty Nine

**Starvation Diary #2**

**Summary:** Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Some swearing, and depending on how fragile your stomach is, you may not want to be eating while you're reading this. And yes, this is the same warning I put on the last chapter...

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Day 29**

* * *

I wake up to a heaven that's not at all blue. It's white, blindingly white, and very fluffy. I take a cautious sniff. That's odd. Heaven doesn't smell at all of fish, apparently, though there is a faint whiff of the sea about it, but mostly, it smells clean, almost...herbal. Very odd.

I hear a deep snore and I shift my head to the left, following the sound. I realise now where I went wrong. This definitely isn't heaven, not with the marimo hunched over against the wall next to me. Hell is much more likely, though I never thought hell would look like the infirmary on the Thousand Sunny. Although I have wondered, whenever Chopper's taken it into his head to give us all thorough, and I mean _thorough_, check-ups.

So it's true, then. I was just ill. I didn't find All Blue. I never had that conversation with the shit geezer. It was just my imagination.

It did seem a bit too perfect. My life's never that perfect.

Shit.

Zoro opens an eye, apparently woken up by my rustling the bedsheets, and yawns and stretches. "Took you long enough to wake up, curly brow."

Yeah, _nice to see you too_, shitty marimo, I want to respond, but my throat is too sore. Zoro gets up and pours me a glass of water from a jug. "Here," he says gruffly, and I drink it down gratefully.

Zoro looks at me squarely. "So, what the hell were you trying to pull?"

"Pull?" I ask blankly.

"Jumping into the water like that. Your last cigarette fall overboard or something?"

"No, I saw All Blue," I reply without thinking. For a moment I think I see relief flaring in Zoro's eyes, but it's immediately replaced with a look of thorough disgust.

"We figured it was something like that. Franky even took out the submarine and checked around just in case. It was all in your head," he informs me bluntly.

I'm already prepared for the news, so I take it calmly, but the unfeeling idiot could be a little gentler about breaking my heart. I wish I really had gotten the chance to talk with the shit geezer. I wish I really had found food for the crew. I wish we'd found All Blue.

"I said we'd _make_ All Blue exist, not make_ believe_ it exists, idiot cook."

That's true, but still...

"We'll find it when we find it," Zoro continues. "Don't throw yourelf overboard just 'cause you saw one fucking school of fish."

I sigh to myself. Maybe I should take a page from Luffy's book, not that he even has one in the library. What would Luffy do, if this was his dream? He'd keep smiling, keep sailing, keep looking, and just enjoy himself the whole journey long.

Besides, we'll find it. Luffy says so. Robin-chan says so. Even Zoro says so.

"Thanks," I say grudgingly.

"For what?"

"You're the one who got me out of the water, right?" Since it's usually either him or me who has to go in after Luffy.

"Wasn't me," Zoro shrugs. "You wanna thank someone, thank Usopp. He's the one who got you out."

"Oh," I say blankly.

"While _I_ had to pull out _Luffy_," Zoro continues, sounding rather disgruntled.

"Luffy? What was he doing in the water again?"

"When you fell in, Chopper went in after you, and Brook went in after Chopper, and Luffy went in after both of them. So Nami had to get Chopper, Franky had to get Brook, and I had to get Luffy. Robin couldn't go down and help you, so that left only Usopp. Sure was fun getting everyone back on the ship in one piece," he says darkly. "So do us all a favour next time you take it into your head to jump off the ship and wait till no one's looking."

Great, so now I'm responsible for weakening the crew even more. Life recently has just been one giant guilt trip after another.

"Sorry," I offer. Pathetic as it is, at this point there's not much more I can say to make amends.

Zoro gives a snort and knocks me on the head with the hilt of his katana, the way I've seen him chastise Luffy and Chopper on occasion. "You shouldn't be," he says shortly.

"Huh?" I'm confused when I realise the censure is for something completely different than I expected. "You weren't angry?" If that's the case, somebody _really_ needs to work on his bedside manner.

"'Course not. And neither is anyone else. Look." He nods towards me, and when I try to look around at the headboard, two objects tumble off my head and onto the floor. I stare at them in surprise. Luffy's precious straw hat...and Chopper's little pink one.

"Yeah, you got both hats. Be honoured," Zoro says dryly.

I reach down to pick up the hats, and apparently Zoro has the same idea, because my cranium is suddenly treated to a collision against his thick skull.

"Ow! That fucking hurt!" I swear, stars dancing before my eyes, and Zoro bodily shoves me back into bed. "What the hell do you keep in there, rocks?"

"You shouldn't be out of bed anyway," he says gruffly, the bump apparently having escaped his notice, despite the concussion I feel looming. The infirmary goes dark for a moment as the hats are replaced on my head, and I push them back and out of my eyes, in time to see Zoro pull up the blanket and tuck it around me.

Somehow that's so ridiculous, so incongruous with my image of Zoro, that I start to laugh. A concerned look comes into Zoro's eyes, as if he's worried the knock permanently damaged my brain. "What?"

"Never figured you for a nursemaid, marimo."

Zoro scowls. "Chopper's gonna bust my ass if he finds you're out of bed. Besides, I'm only keeping an eye on you while the others are eating."

That news makes me bolt upright, forcing Zoro to duck away before our heads collide yet again. "Eating? It's time to eat? I haven't made dinner yet!" I protest frantically.

"It's been two days since you jumped off the fucking ship, dartbrow," Zoro says dryly. "The others've been taking turns cooking."

I don't know which is worse - the fact that I've shirked my duty for two days, or the fact that my galley has been invaded by the crew. I shudder to imagine the state it must be in now.

I push the bedsheets aside, and sit up - or try to, before Zoro pushes me back down again.

"Didn't you hear me say to stay in bed, moron?"

"Let go, I have to go help!" I protest, struggling weakly against his brute strength.

"Shut up and lie down, dammit!"

On cue, we hear a rapid clip-clopping of hooves and Chopper bursts into the infirmary in his most reindeer-like form.

"Sanji! You're awake! I knew I heard voices! Zoro, why didn't you tell us? Sanji, how are you feeling? And why aren't you tucked in properly?" He hops onto the bed, turning into Brain Point, which looks kind of funny without his hat, taking my pulse, throwing an angry look at Zoro and then turning an anxious, searching glance on me.

"I'm okay, Chopper. Really," I reassure him, just as the rest of the crew bursts through the door, bringing their usual confusion with them, though perhaps slightly less rambunctious than normal.

"Sanji! You're awake!" Usopp says happily.

"Sanji-san, I hope you are feeling better," Brook greets me with his usual old-world courtesy.

Robin-chan says nothing, but her gentle smile inspires one in my own heart.

"You look SUPA, cook-bro!"

And of course, ahead of everyone else, there's Luffy, an unusual look of concern in his bright eyes. Finally he declares, "I'm glad you're okay, Sanji. Zoro said you'd worried yourself to death!"

"LUFFY!" Zoro explodes, turning red.

"You worried about me, marimo?" I tease, to cover up how touched I feel at Luffy's revelation.

"Like hell I was, idiot cook!"

"Anyway, you can't worry yourself to death, Luffy," I reassure my captain, before I'm interrupted by someone with actual medical knowledge.

"Actually..." Chopper begins, and he plunges into a long explanation about blood sugar levels and how the stress of worrying about the food situation probably depressed mine, compounded by the fact that I hadn't been eating - glare - and was still smoking - even fiercer glare - and about how the sudden hike and fall in my blood sugar when I ate that stew and then used up the energy rescuing Luffy completely unbalanced my system, hallucinations and general systemic weakness being the result.

"Er...if you say so," I say uncertainly, since most of what he said went straight over my head. "Anyway, Luffy, how come you're not slinking around anymore?"

Luffy looks down at his upright body with a surprised look, as if it's performing some kind of party trick. "How come I'm...? Oh, yeah! I'm really tired!" Luffy collapses onto the foot of the bed to the accompaniment of a round of eye-rolling from the crew. Then Luffy perks up again, a hopeful look on his face. "But Sanji's okay now, right? You're well enough to cook?"

"'Course I am!"

"No, he's not!" Chopper says shrilly.

Luffy's head droops.

"Why, what's the matter?" I ask, fearing for the state of the rations - and my galley.

Luffy leans in closer to me and confides in what he apparently thinks is a whisper, "Nami doesn't cook as well as you."

"I heard that!"

"Don't insult Nami-san, you idiot!" Even if I know it to be true - I am the professional chef here, after all - that doesn't mean Luffy has to blurt it out in front of everyone.

"But it's true...ow! You guys are mean!" Luffy pouts, as two lumps emerge from his head.

Chopper decides that enough is enough, now that fisticuffs are being traded. "Everybody OUT!"

"But Chopper, we want to talk to Sanji!" Usopp protests.

"You can do that one at a time," Nami-san says, taking charge with her usual wonderful air of authority. "You guys know the schedule. You can talk to him when your watch comes along."

"Watch?" I inquire.

"Sanji suicide watch! To make sure you don't fall off the ship again!" Luffy explains helpfully.

"Shut UP, Luffy!" everyone hisses, and all eyes suddenly swing towards me, as if to gauge my reaction.

Personally, I'm stunned. Suicide watch? Is that really what they thought I was...?

Everyone's staring at me seriously, a little fearfully, except for Luffy, but probably only because he has no idea what "suicide" means. He's fallen off the ship enough times without it ever being a death sentence.

"It wasn't a suicide watch! It was just to make sure that you had everything you needed!" Chopper denies hastily, arms flailing, eyes carefully avoiding mine.

"I thought you knew I thought we were in All Blue," I say, looking towards Zoro for confirmation. "Why would I want to commit suicide?"

"All Blue was just one of the possibilities," Zoro shrugs. "It could also have been because you hurt..."

"Shut UP, Zoro!" everyone choruses again, and a dreadful memory returns to my mind, of five harsh red marks on Nami-san's skin. So that was what Zoro's look of relief meant, when I told him I'd jumped in seeking All Blue. As opposed to trying to kill myself because I was so distraught about hurting Nami-san. Does that mean I _should_ have been that distraught about hurting her?

"What? All this wouldn't be a problem if he didn't have such a freaking complex about women," the marimo says with a dismissive wave.

"That's enough, Zoro," Nami-san orders, imperious as Hancock-chan. "I'll talk to him. Everyone else, out. Now."

"But Nami, I still have lots of tests to do!" Chopper protests.

"They can wait," she says firmly, and Chopper gives in without a word. I wonder why that never works when Zoro and I try it.

Chopper and Nami-san exchange a glance that seems like it may have some tacit understanding behind it, before he leads the others out of the infirmary amid a general discontented murmuring. I'm left alone with Nami-san, barely able to bring myself to look her in the eye, when I remember the look of shock in hers, when she found me actually hurting her.

"Nami-san, I..."

"Zoro's right, you know," she cuts me off. That's decidedly _not_ the way I would like our conversation to begin, but I stay humbly silent as Nami-san continues lecturing, "You really shouldn't beat yourself up so much about a little thing like that. Look, you can't even see the marks anymore." She shows me her wrist, and I note with relief that her hand is as delicately pure as ever.

Not that that excuses my behaviour in the slightest. "But Nami-san..."

"And you know this attitude of yours towards women may get you killed one day. Remember that Kalifa woman from CP9?"

"Yes..." I remember her, all right.

"She almost killed you, because you refused to attack her."

"I can't help it, Nami-san," I say miserably. "Before he began teaching me his Red Leg techniques, the sh-" I check myself - "Zeff made me promise him never to use them to hurt a lady."

I detect a softening of Nami-san's stern features. "So you're only an idiot because you learned from an idiot, huh?"

"He taught me everything I know that's worth knowing," I nod, heartened by her gentler tone.

"He forgot to teach you one thing." My eyebrow curls into a question mark, and Nami-san explains, "Not all women are ladies. Kalifa was a bitch."

For a moment, I wonder how I can respond to that without insulting at least one beautiful woman, when I see the grin on Nami-san's face and I realise she's just teasing me. Then the grin leaves her eyes, and her face takes on a solemn, faraway look.

"What's the most important thing Zeff ever taught you?" she asks.

I don't know. There's just so much he's taught me. Where do I even begin?

When I don't volunteer an answer, Nami-san continues, "You know what the most important thing Bellemere-san taught me is?"

I shake my head mutely, awed by the sadness in Nami-san's face, wishing I could do something to take it away. "She told us that, if you live on, happy times will surely come again." Then, like the clouds clearing from the sun, the joy returns to her amber eyes and a cheerful smile returns to her face. "So, we're going to survive this. Right, Sanji-kun?"

"Hai, Nami-san!" I reply, her mood instantly lifting my spirits.

"And to do that, you have to eat!" Nami-san walks over to the door and opens it, and in walks Chopper bearing a tray of food, as if it's all part of an orchestrated routine.

"But...I'm not hungry," I protest, and I wince internally at the feeble excuse. As if they'd buy it, given that it's been five days at least since I last ate, and twenty-nine days since this whole shitty situation began. And then I realise that it's not an excuse. I don't feel hungry in the slightest, and the sight of the food on the tray is making my stomach flip somersaults. What I do want, desperately, is a smoke, but so far I haven't been able to spot any cigarettes in the infirmary, and I doubt that Chopper will let me touch one with a ten-foot pole given the glare he gave me earlier.

"Seriously, Sanji," Chopper says earnestly, helping me up into a sitting position, "Your body needs some nutrition, otherwise you'll never get better."

"Besides, I cooked this specially for you," Nami-san says, turning a bewitching smile on me, spearing a tiny piece of some unknown meat and pushing it towards my mouth. I remember when it was her lying in the bed and me fretting over her, how worried I felt back then. I decide to be a good patient, and open my mouth obediently.

Everything's fine while the meat's in my mouth. I chew on it a little, letting it slide over my tastebuds, my professional senses taking over. It's not as bad as Luffy implied. A bit chewy, perhaps, but the use of ginger was a nice touch...and, of course, Nami-san's care is the best ingredient the world has to offer.

Then the food slides into my stomach and my stomach violently disagrees with my original assessment. I almost throw up, but I clap my hand over my mouth and force it back down.

"Sanji, just spit it out if it makes you feel sick!" I hear Chopper's voice say, sounding as if it's coming from miles away.

But no way am I letting Nami-san's efforts go to waste. And no way am I going to waste food now, with only four days of it left for the crew - the part of the crew that's still eating, that is.

I finally manage to force it to go down and stay down, but the exertion leaves me sweating, a faint taste of bile lingering in my mouth. I lie back, my chest heaving, and two concerned faces appear in my field of vision.

"Are you okay, Sanji?" Chopper squeaks, his eyes worried.

I barely manage a nod.

"So my cooking's that bad, huh?" Nami-san says with a wry smile.

I shake my head frantically, hardly trusting myself to open my mouth right now.

"We half expected this to happen, actually," Chopper says, reassuringly but sadly. "If you can't eat anything solid, we'll have to try liquids. It's not exactly ideal, but...Nami, I'll go ask Franky to make more mikan juice, if that's okay with you."

Nami-san nods, and Chopper hops down from the bed and scurries towards the door.

I swallow and inquire, "Mikan juice?"

"Yes, we've all been eating the mikans," Nami-san tells me. "Chopper's been eating the bark and leaves too, to supplement his diet. Apparently he used to do that on Drum Island."

"Won't that mean that your trees will die?" I croak. I remember how protective Nami-san's always been of them. Just about everyone on board except Robin-chan and I has been beaten up for stealing an orange. I remember too, how depressed she was at Water 7 when she thought they were lost to Aqua Laguna, and her joy when they were returned to us.

"It doesn't matter," Nami-san says with a shrug. "You, and everyone else on this ship, are more important to me than a few mikan trees."

"But...your mother..."

"Don't you remember what I said just now? What Bellemere-san would want us to do, right now, is to survive. However painful it is, we have to live on."

I stop protesting. "Hai, Nami-san." That is what her mother would want. It's what the shit geezer would want, too.

Thinking of him in his galley reminds me of the state of mine. "By the way, Nami-san, Zoro said that you were taking turns cooking..."

"Oh, it's just me and Robin now," Nami-san says casually. "Everyone else was really bad at it."

"Everyone...else?" I ask nervously. Please don't let my galley be destroyed, please don't let my galley be destroyed, please please please...

Nami-san quickly allays my fears. "Everyone else _except _Luffy. We absolutely refused to let him cook."

Thank God for that. And thank God for Nami-san and Robin-chan, who I'm sure have been guarding the kitchen from marauding pirates on my behalf.

"Brook was really keen to help, but he's a complete klutz, so we didn't let him do it for long," Nami-san continues, and I breathe a second sigh of relief. "Zoro refused to help, but I guess that's only fair. Usopp claimed to be a great cook, and surprisingly he wasn't too bad, but everything he made was really really spicy. Poor Chopper could barely swallow it. That was when he decided to stop eating our food and start grazing the lawn deck and eating the bark and stuff."

"Did Chopper try cooking too?" I ask, curious about how his medical experience with test-tubes and measurements would translate to the kitchen.

"He tried, but at first everything was too bitter, just the way his medicine is." Nami-san makes a face that I perfectly comprehend. "And then, when we complained, he said something about spoonfuls of sugar and it became way too sweet."

That makes me smile, to hear that Chopper's taken my advice so seriously. "And what about Franky?"

"Franky put cola in everything. Cola fried chicken. Cola coleslaw. Cola mashed potato. Ugh."

I have to laugh at that, too, but it sets me thinking. I've heard of using cola to tenderise meat and as a flavour enhancer, but never as the primary flavour in a recipe...my guts send an urgent signal to change the subject, so I store the thought away, along with a mental note to do some culinary experiments together with Franky. He'd like that.

"Oh, and, you may find some updates to your devices when you get back."

"I wish I could get back right now," I say ruefully.

"Nonsense," Nami-san says briskly, and I know she's right, as usual. I can tell that I won't be much use in the galley right now, if my first reaction to food is to throw up. "For now, just rest and get better. Chopper will be a while with the juice, so try and get some sleep. The more you rest, the sooner you can get back to your galley, and the sooner we get to taste your cooking again."

"I'll make the best meal you've ever tasted then," I promise.

"I'm sure it will be, after these past couple of days," Nami-san laughs. "Now sleep. I'll be right here."

I shut my eyes and try to do as she says, but there's something keeping me from sleeping, a feeling of doubt lingering at the back of my brain. Is it my disappointment at not finding All Blue? No, Zoro's already reassured me on that count. Is it my guilt at having caused Nami-san pain? No, I know she's forgiven me.

And then it hits me. That's just the problem. Zoro was _nice_. He's never that nice, the bastard. He even tucked me in, for heaven's sake. And Nami-san was...well, she's always sweet, but she's only been _this_ sweet to me in my dreams.

What if... this is still me hallucinating? What if this is all part of my imagination again, just like Zeff and All Blue?

I sneak a peek over at Nami-san. She's sitting in a chair by my side, studying something in the palm of her hand intently. I reach out a tentative hand towards her, wanting to touch her, just to make sure that she really is there...

"Sanji-kun, if you don't keep your hands to yourself and go to sleep in two minutes, I'm going to add 10,000 beli to your debt," Nami-san says, her voice managing to be hard-edged and dulcet-toned all at the same time.

Now _that's_ the Nami-san I know and love. "Mellorine~~~," I breathe, and within moments, I've fallen asleep, lulled by the lap of waves against the ship, reassured by the weight of two hats pressing down on my head, secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens while I sleep, I'll be safe under the watchful eyes of my nakama.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Cor, that was fluffy. Wow, I actually managed to update in under one month. Just shows what a bit of prodding can do...

Shimacrow-san, I hope you find the Sanji/Nami chat to your liking. Not that I'm a SaNa fan at all, and this should be read as purely nakamaship :-P Also, thank you to dandy wonderous for helping to pick Hancock's honorific, and Gazer for the suggestion to let Chopper eat bark. And to all my readers, thanks for sustaining me through this whole process with your reviews! To everyone who liked hallucinating!Sanji, erm, I'm sorry I couldn't keep it up...I blame Chopper for being too good a doctor!

And now, some chapter notes.

_...a long explanation about blood sugar levels..._

None of this should be read as scientific fact, I did do some research on the effects of starvation and what I said about blood sugar is roughly correct, I think (I have zero medical knowledge). And it doesn't explain the fever at all.

_...of using cola to tenderise meat and as a flavour enhancer..._

I was like, cola can't possibly be used as an ingredient in food, can it? But lo and behold, yes it can. It doesn't appear there's actual cola-flavoured foods though, so Sanji will still be a pioneer in that field.

_Chopper will be a while with the juice..._

Apparently he forgot all about his medical tests...oh well!


	13. Day Thirty Two

**Starvation Diary #2**

**Summary:** Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** None. Chopper found a cure for the worst of Sanji's swearing...

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Day 32**

* * *

Three days later, by special petition submitted through Nami-san, Chopper finally allows me to emerge from his infirmary.

"And if you feel faint at any point, or hear voices in your head, tell me AT ONCE!" he insists, for the tenth time.

"Yeah, I got it, Chopper. Don't worry, you did a good job." Too good a job, actually, because my appetite is back, and mikan juice, no matter how sweet, can't fill a stomach.

I leave Chopper wriggling in happy non-happiness over my praise, and make a stop at the galley, to inspect the damage done, and to sneak a quick smoke. To my surprise, everything's exactly the way I left it, with the exception of a couple of appliances that look like they've had a bit of "updating" from Franky, as Nami-san put it. Arrayed on one shelf in the fridge are the rations for our last meal, and I gratefully note that Nami-san and Robin-chan have thoughtfully reserved a set of ingredients that actually make sense as a meal.

"Oh, you're up, cook-bro! Do you like the changes I made to the toaster and the blender?" I start at the sudden intrusion, and quickly stub out my cigarette, thanking whatever lucky stars I have - which isn't many - that Franky's metal nose is unlikely to detect the tell-tale smoke. I don't particularly want to face Chopper's wrath at my illegal smoking right now.

"I haven't been able to try them yet, Franky," I apologise. I look around to see Franky reaching into the fridge, his usually proud blue lock of hair hanging limp over his face. He selects a bottle of orange juice and pops it into his stomach. "FRRRRRRRRRRRESH!" As Franky strikes a pose, the lock of blue hair springs upright and rearranges itself into an onion-shaped bulb. I have to keep myself from laughing out loud at the sight.

"Out of cola, Franky?"

"Yeah, we've a few barrels down in the hold but I'm keeping 'em in case we need to make a quick getaway or something," Franky shrugs. I guess that he must have used his personal bottle of cola on the meal he cooked for the crew. "Anyway, don't worry about the toaster and blender, you can always try 'em out later!"

Later? I wonder how much later "later" will be, but I don't voice the thought.

"Coming out on deck, bro? Everyone else is there." I look longingly towards my hidden stash of cigarettes, but it would be nice to hang out with all the others again. I follow Franky out to the deck, where we find the whole crew lolling around on the rather sad-looking, half-chewed lawn deck, too tired for any energetic activities. Nami-san and Robin-chan are reading, Usopp, Luffy and Chopper are doing some drawing, Zoro's idly lifting his lightest weight with one hand, listening as Brook plays a tune on his violin.

A cheer goes up when I appear, and I settle down by the three kids, observing their artwork. Usopp's is a beautifully-rendered picture of the whole crew eating a meal together. Chopper's pink spirals I know represent candy floss, and Luffy's red blob is labelled "niku", and I decide it must be the most unrepresentative and unappetising lump of meat in the world, which is good, because I don't need anything to stimulate my appetite right now.

"Robin! I'm done!" Luffy hands Robin-chan his drawing, and she looks it over with an approving, motherly smile. I guess this must have all been as part of a coordinated effort to keep Luffy and the others occupied.

"Very good, Captain-san, you're improving."

"Robin! Robin! Look at mine!"

"Candy-floss, isn't it, Chopper? Excellent."

"And here's mine!" Usopp adds his drawing to the pile.

"Marvellous, Longnose-kun."

"Wow, Usopp, that's really great! I can't wait till we can all eat together again!" Chopper says, sounding like he expects it to happen soon. I don't know where they all get their ridiculous optimism from, but it makes me feel a little better.

Chopper rolls around and looks at me. "Um, Sanji?" He sounds a bit tentative, and I tense, sensing it's going to be a sensitive question.

"Yeah, Chopper?"

"Can I ask you a medical question?"

"If you think I'm any authority on medicine," I shrug.

"It's about your previous experience in, um, starving."

Oh. That. Brook stops playing the violin, and I see that everyone's looking up, listening to our conversation. "What do you want to know?"

"How long were you marooned on that rock?"

I recall the grim tally I made, using a rock to etch a mark for each terrible day into a rock. "Eighty-five days," I answer.

The others bolt upright, despite their lethargy. "Eighty-five days? Without food?"

"That's longer than my medical books say is even possible!"

"That must've been TORTURE!" Usopp adds, putting a hand over his stomach.

"Yeah, it was pretty bad," I admit, and Brook nods in knowing agreement.

"But how did you survive?"

"I had a bit of food to go on for a while. I ran out on the 25th day. So, I guess it was two months for me."

"But didn't you say before that Owner Zeff gave you all his food? How did _he_ survive so long?" Nami-san asks.

"He cut off his own leg and ate it."

Their expressions of horror are so extreme that even I have to laugh through the guilt. "Shit geezer gets around pretty well on his peg-leg though. He can still kick the shit out of any cook at the Baratie, except me of course." But only because I've no shit to be kicked out of me.

"What did it taste like?" Luffy asks, an interested expression on his face.

He did _not_ just ask me that. "How the hell am I supposed to know that, shithead?" I ask, giving him a half-hearted cuff on the ear, too tired to raise a leg against him.

"I was only asking," Luffy pouts.

"It probably tastes like chicken, just like everything else," Zoro shrugs.

"Everything does _not_ taste like chicken, you barbarian!" I object, shuddering at the marimo's undeveloped tastebuds. Why I put so much trouble in preparing his and the other louts' food I don't know.

Not that he's eaten a bite for the last twenty-eight days...

"Actually, it would depend on the part of the human being consumed," Robin-chan informs us in her usual calm, knowledgeable way, "For example, human liver tastes very much like pig liver. If it is simply flesh rather than an organ, however, the closest equivalent would be veal."

I can't believe I just heard Robin-chan say that. _Everyone_ can't believe that Robin just said that, judging from their shocked faces. Chopper scurries behind Zoro, who's giving Robin-chan a strangely respectful look, while Luffy...

"Wow! That sounds good!" Luffy grins, and I see a trickle of saliva slide down his chin.

I slap a palm to my forehead, and Usopp slumps against me. "I think I've lost my appetite..." And I know he's probably imagining being devoured by those man-eating plants from the island he got marooned on by Kuma, except that they'll probably look like Luffy in his nightmares from now on.

In the silence that follows, I hear a faint sobbing, which we easily trace to the biggest crybaby we have on board. "Franky, why are you crying?" Nami-san asks, finally.

"I was just thinking about Cook-bro's beautiful story," Franky sniffles. "I love you, bro! You and your old man!"

"What, about him cutting off his leg?" Zoro drawls lazily.

"That reminds me when you tried to cut off your own legs at Little Garden," Nami-san says with a shudder.

"What?" Chopper, Franky and Brook exclaim. Of course, they weren't in the crew back then. Neither was Robin-chan, but she is wonderfully calm and collected as usual, and shows no surprise. Or perhaps she had a report about the incident when she was Baroque Works vice-president.

"Zoro, you really tried to cut your own legs off? But...why?" Chopper asks.

"To escape from a Devil's Fruit user who'd trapped the three of us - Vivi, Zoro and me - in wax," Nami-san answers for the marimo.

"So I could _fight_ him," Zoro corrects her.

"That makes zero sense," Chopper, Franky and Brook say frankly.

"See, Zoro? Even people who weren't even there _know_ it was a ridiculous thing to do!" Obviously Nami-san and the shithead have argued about this before.

"What, would you rather have been stuck in that wax forever? You weren't even doing a proper pose!" Zoro argues, thereby making himself the official definition for the phrase "monumental stupidity".

"No, but cutting off your legs wouldn't have improved the situation!"

"Sure it would. I'd've been free of the wax."

"But your legs would've been CUT OFF," Nami-san points out.

"In case you haven't noticed, I use my _hands _to hold my swords. Not my legs."

There is a pause as everyone tries to process marimo logic, and fails.

"Anyway, it was really disgusting," Nami-san concludes weakly, and my heart throbs with pity for her, and anger at the marimo for making her undergo such a terrible experience. I turn to yell at the Zoro, but then I catch the look on his face, and I freeze. Zoro's looking thoughtful. _Always _a bad sign.

I interrupt before he can make the awful, but oh-so-Zoro-logical connection between the shit geezer and Little Garden. "Oi, marimo, we do NOT eat crewmates, remember?"

Zoro puts on his most innocent face, which only has the effect of making him look like a lesser demon, rather than the devil himself. "What? I wasn't thinking of eating anyone." Which just confirms to me that he _was _contemplating it. Okay, so Chopper could do a clean amputation and Franky could build him a new leg, but still. I refuse to cook his or anyone else's limbs.

If anything, it should be me cutting off my legs and giving them to the others to eat. I glance down, pondering what the best way to cook one would be. My books are a little short on recipes for human flesh. Maybe I can pre-cook them with Diable Jambe...

The marimo's voice interrupts my thoughts. "Forget it, cook. Your legs'd be too stringy and taste awful," Zoro snorts.

"Whaddaya mean? I've eaten better food all my life, and my legs are more muscular."

"So what if they are? Look how skinny they are, Chicken Legs! They wouldn't last us even one meal!"

"They'd still taste better than yours," I retort. Just like the idiot marimo to value quantity over quality.

"What're you insinuating, shit cook?" Zoro growls, and I see his fingers itching towards his swords.

"It doesn't matter which of you has better legs, I'm a reindeer, so my legs taste best!" Chopper joins in the fray.

"I'm very sorry I cannot contribute my legs, but they're just bones! Yo ho ho ho!"

"Yeah, me too, my legs are metal. Sorry, bros."

"I once saved a starving tribe by feeding them my spare legs, back when I was five years old..."

"Wow, Usopp, you had spare legs? I've never heard of that!" Chopper says, round-eyed. I wonder when he'll ever grow out of this innocent phase, but then I look at Brook's open jaw and realise that age is no antidote for gullibility.

"Great, Usopp, why don't you produce a spare leg now?" Zoro challenges.

Yeah, Usopp, why don't you?

"Because I fed them all to the tribe! Weren't you paying attention, Zoro?"

Ha, Zoro just got owned.

"In any case, my legs still taste the best! We should eat mine!" Chopper insists.

Don't think of reindeer stew...don't think of reindeer stew...

"No, Chopper, we should eat my legs," Luffy says. The serious tone in his voice stops everyone in their tracks, and we all turn to look at Luffy.

"What, why? It'd be like eating rubber! Who wants that?" Usopp protests.

The serious look disappears from Luffy's face, replaced by a huge grin, and he shoots out his leg as far as it can go. "Because, mine'll stretch the longest!"

Before everyone can groan at the bad joke, his leg snaps back, sending everyone sprawling to the deck, signalling the start of a general scuffle. "I still think it should be my leg!" "No, mine! Eat mine!" "Don't be idiots, all of you, we should eat _my_ leg!"

Robin-chan's melodious voice floats over the sound of our battle. "They really do fight over the strangest things."

"Tell me about it," Nami-san says, sounding displeased.

I yearn to explain myself to them, but the marimo's foot is in my mouth, and the fist swinging around into my face really requires my full attention. In any case, after a few minutes' struggle, our exhaustion catches up with us and we declare a mutual truce and fall to the deck, too tired to go on.

The sound of ragged breaths fills the air for a few moments.

Then Chopper pipes up. "Hey, everybody, you know something?"

"What, Chopper?" I pant.

"I never knew starving together would be so much fun!"

Everyone turns to stare at Chopper for a moment, slack-jawed. Then one person starts giggling, then a second, and soon we all fall about laughing. I chuckle so hard my stomach aches, but in a completely different - and rather pleasant - way. For a while I forget all about how hungry I am, how tired I am, I just laugh and laugh and laugh, and my nakama laugh with me.

When we're finally done with our fit of chuckles, I get up, wiping away my tears, heading to the galley to cook our last meal, determined to make it the best thing they've ever tasted. I glance towards the stash of smokes and decide that I was wrong. If I get to live through this, it won't be my cigarettes that saved me. It'll be because I have the best nakama in the world.

* * *

**Acknowledgments: **I just wanted to give a shout-out to IzumitheMoogle's story "Strong", which I mentioned before - it has a scene where Nami scolds Zoro about Little Garden, and inspired the corresponding scene in this chapter. Thanks, Izumi-chan!


	14. Day Thirty Three

**Starvation Diary #2**

**Summary:** Sanji's worst nightmare comes true, but this time the Straw Hats won't let their nakama bear it alone. Sanji/Everyone nakamaship. Sanji's POV. Set post-Impel Down, in the New World.

**Warnings:** Minor SPOILERS for characters mentioned in the latest manga chapter, 581.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, etc.

**

* * *

Chapter 14: Day 33

* * *

**

The dawn light's slanting through the portholes when I first wake, telling me I'm late for my watch, I'm late to start breakfast, and for a moment I sit up in panic before realising that there's no breakfast to cook, and Usopp said last night that he'd double up his watch and take over mine. I had no choice but to agree back then, what with Chopper breathing down my neck, ready to consign me back to the infirmary if I were to refuse.

So I lie back down in my hammock, expecting to feel thoroughly useless, to feel guilty, to feel frightened as hell, but for some reason I don't. Instead, I listen to the steady breathing of my nakama, and remind myself of what the shit geezer once told me. "Nobody's dead yet. Quit worrying so much."

Chopper's the first to show signs of life. His first instinct is to check on his patient, as usual, and I shut my eyes and pretend to be asleep as his hooves squeak towards me. I feel his earnest gaze running over me, checking that I'm all right, and then he heads out to start the day.

Next to wake is Brook, whose first move after dressing is to pick up his violin to play a morning wake-up song, one that I've only heard muffled through the walls of the galley and accompanied by screams to be quiet. But just as bow touches string, he seems to recollect my presence, and he puts away the violin and steals out quietly instead.

Franky's third, leaping straight out of bed into a "super" pose that no one sees except me, and I can barely keep myself from laughing out loud. Observing these morning rituals of my crewmates is more amusing than I thought it would be. After pulling on one of his garish shirts Franky prods Luffy awake. Luffy wakes up with an exclamation of surprise, but he's quickly shushed by Franky, who nods significantly in my direction. Luffy shushes him back, loud enough to wake the dead, and they both exit, Luffy perched on Franky's back.

That leaves me and the lazy-ass marimo alone in the room, and all is silent apart from his snoring for half an hour until he gets up, rolling off the hammock and straight into a hundred push-ups. I can tell from his grunts how much harder the exercise is for him now than a month ago, when he stopped eating. Finally he gets to his feet, grabs his swords and boots, starts pulling them on – then he glances towards me and pads out barefoot instead.

I snuggle into my hammock, appreciating the peace and quiet. It's the first chance I've had in years to sleep in, without a breakfast to prepare or a long-simmering broth to keep an eye on or simply a day's cooking to get organised.

I could get used to this, I think, as sleep claims me a second time.

But I desperately hope I won't get the chance to.

* * *

"Ship ahoy!"

I wake with a start, wondering if the voice I just heard was came from real life or if it was just the tail end of a wishful dream. Just a dream, I tell myself sternly. There's no way we've found a ship the day after running out of food. It would be too huge a coincidence, too great a miracle.

Then I hear the sound of running footsteps, and rejoicing shouts from my crew. Great. I'm going to have to report another hallucination to Chopper. I know he won't be pleased at my relapse.

"Sanji! Come quick!" Usopp bursts into the room. "You've gotta see this!"

"What is it?"

"A ship! No, a whole FLEET of ships! Hundreds of them!"

"You're either lying or you're a hallucination. Go away," I say, curling up into a ball.

"I'm not lying!" Usopp says indignantly. "And I'm not a hallucination either. See?"

"Ow!" I yell, as Usopp helpfully pinches my arm, hard. "Okay, okay, I'll come!"

Energy surges through me as I pull on my clothes and run out after Usopp, to stare at the suddenly very full horizon. He really wasn't lying. Dotting the sea is a whole fleet of ships, headed up by a magnificent battleship flying a huge black and pink flag, and I gasp in recognition.

I know instantly what that Jolly Roger signifies, even though I've never seen it before. "The Pinkbeard Pirates!" I feel a wave of anger swell within me, at the pirates who stole the Marines' food, indirectly condemning us to starvation. At the same time, facing that impressive array of ships, I can't help but feel a twinge of dread. How can we beat so many of them, with Luffy, Zoro and me fighting on empty?

"Don't worry, Sanji-kun. We don't have to fight them," Nami-san says, anticipating my worry.

"But, Nami-san, they _stole_ food!" Even if I know that not every pirate crew follows the shit geezer's rule of not plundering food supplies, I can't help feeling that these must be scoundrels of the highest order.

"But they left just enough food for the Marines to reach their destination, so they can't be so bad," Nami-san reasons. "Besides, the head of that pirate gang isn't just _any_ pirate. It's Lola's mom."

"Lola...?"

"Remember? The captain of the Rolling Pirates, who had their shadows stolen from them on Thriller Bark?" Nami-san extends her palm towards me, and floating on it I see a small scrap of paper, covered in a scraggly handwriting. It shifts a little against the breeze and I realise it's a Vivrecard, the one the pink-haired lady captain gave her just before we left the island. "Lola wrote us an introduction, saying we're her friends. I'm sure her mother will give us food."

"But...how can Pinkbeard be a _lady_?"

"Haven't you ever heard of bearded women?" Zoro shrugs. A mental image of Nami-san and Robin-chan with facial hair flashes through my mind, and I shake my head, trying to expel the horrible thought from my mind.

"D'you mean...we've been following this Vivrecard instead of the Log Pose? How did you know she would be anywhere nearby? I thought a Vivrecard only tells you the direction someone's in, not how far away they are," I ask, confused.

"That's true, Sanji-kun," Nami-san nods, "but it is possible for a Vivrecard to tell how far someone is, so long as they're moving." Seeing my bewilderment, she continues, "Suppose you have my Vivrecard, and I'm standing two steps away from you like I am now. If I move a metre to the right, what would you see?"

"The Vivrecard should turn...maybe 30 or 45 degrees," I calculate, my tired brain slowly grasping the concept.

"Now suppose I was on the other side of the ship and I moved the same distance?"

"The angle would change only a couple of degrees, maybe even less."

"That's right," Nami-san says, approvingly. "About a week ago, I noticed that the direction of the Vivrecard was changing pretty rapidly. It was 45 degrees with respect to the Log Pose in the morning, but by midday, it was almost 90. Even if you consider the top speed of Marine ships, the only way it could have changed that fast was if their ship was within a couple of weeks of us, plus or minus."

A week ago...it must have been the day I fell ill. When Franky turned the ship hard right, and I'd wanted us to go left, after the shit geezer and the Baratie. Now I'm glad I didn't manage to stop him. "You're a genius, Nami-san!" I exclaim. I've always known it to be true, but this just proves it ten times over.

Nami-san shakes her head, smiling. "I was reluctant to follow the Vivrecard, actually, because they could have been moving away from us at the same speed we were moving towards them." She shoots a frown at the piece of paper, explaining further, "If it had continued changing its bearing, I'd have felt better, but the movement tapered off after midday."

"They were probably gathering their fleet here," Robin-chan comments, glancing at the mass of ships.

Nami-san acknowledges the point with a nod. "I discussed it with Robin, and we reckoned that a pirate like Lola's mom, who's familiar with the New World, would know the boundaries of Dead Blue and wouldn't spend any more time in it than she could help. So even if we didn't catch up with them, we hoped we could at least cut through Dead Blue, and catch some fish at last."

"You're still a genius, Nami-san! Robin-chan too!" I say, overflowing with gratitude.

"Actually, the credit should go to Luffy," Robin-chan says, with a warm smile. "Our whole case rested on pretty circumstantial evidence, because we hadn't been tracking the Vivrecard's movements very carefully. But Luffy decided that we should try it anyway."

Luffy grins a particularly goofy grin. "So I'm a genius too, right?"

"Wrong," everyone says flatly, but they're all grinning too, and I know what they're all thinking. Luffy _is_ a genius. He's always known who to trust and who not to trust. It's not brains, because he's an idiot, but somehow he just instinctively knows what the right course of action is, always.

Luffy's spirits aren't deflated at all by our declaration. His grin just stretches still wider. "See, Sanji? I told you I wouldn't let us starve to death."

"Yeah, I get it now," I admit grudgingly. "Next time we're short on food, I'm gonna just let you starve from the very beginning."

Luffy just laughs off my threat. "You wouldn't do that, Sanji."

He's right. I wouldn't ever be able to bring myself to do it.

"We're within signalling range. I'll let them know we want to talk," Franky interrupts. He rummages around in one of the storage lockers, pulls out a set of signal flags and waves them in what seems like a defined sequence, and I'm glad we have someone who actually knows marine protocol with us. If we left this to Luffy, he'd probably accidentally declare war on Pinkbeard. Within a couple of minutes, we get a return signal from the flagship, which Franky translates as an agreement to let us on board.

"Yahoo! C'mon, Nami, we'll go on ahead, and the rest of you can come when we give the signal, 'kay?" Luffy says.

"Okay. Franky, would you mind getting out the Mini Mer- eeeeeeeeyaaaaaaaaaa!" Nami-san shrieks as Luffy wraps a hand round her waist and catapults them over to the flagship.

"Don't manhandle Nami-san like that, you rubber freak!" I yell after them, but only half-heartedly, because I _know_ Luffy wouldn't let any harm come to her, or to any of us.

"Watch him," I remember Zeff telling me. "Even with all his weapons, Krieg may not be able to defeat that kid's spear." And he couldn't. Luffy's instinct, and his will to live, overcame everything Don Krieg could throw at him. Everything the World Government's thrown at him. Everything the Grand Line can throw at him, Sea Kings, Dead Blue and all. And I know that will to live extends to us too, wrapped around our crew like a protective mantle. So long as we don't give up, so long as we continue believing in Luffy, he'll carry us all to Raftel, to the completion of our dreams.

I slump down on the deck, exhausted with emotion, prompting Chopper to run over and take my pulse. "Sorry we didn't tell you, Sanji," he says apologetically, "but we weren't 100% sure this would work, and we didn't want to get your hopes up for nothing."

"Luffy also said it was only fair since you didn't tell him about the food running out," Usopp adds. I suppose it's a just punishment. I'm far too relieved to be angry at Luffy, or any of them. I'm just glad that the lawn deck will have a chance to grow back, that Nami-san's mikan trees aren't so far gone they won't grow fruit again, that my larder will be full once more, that everyone's going to live, that their dreams will go back on track, that after a few weeks, this won't be anything more than a distant nightmare, a salutary lesson on the necessity of keeping adequate food stocks.

I immediately start making plans. Much as I hate using preserved foods to cook, we're going to start doing a lot more pickling and salting, and maybe I'll start canning too. I'm sure Franky can build something to help with that. "Say, Franky..."

"I know what you're going to say, cook-bro, and I've already made all the preparations!"

"You have?" I gape, wondering if he's read my mind.

"I've built metal stomachs for all of you! Chopper-bro's was a bit tricky, because he can change size, but I managed to design a work-around for that. Once we get new stocks of cola, we can start installing them..."

We're speechless for a moment, and then the chorus of protests starts.

"Count me out, I sure don't want an artificial stomach," Zoro says.

"Um, I think I'm coming down with I'll-die-if-I-get-a-metal-stomach-itis," Usopp quavers.

"It _would_ be interesting, but I'll keep my original stomach, if you don't mind, Franky," Robin-chan says.

"I know you took special pains over mine, but...I kind of like my own stomach..." Chopper says cautiously, not wanting to hurt Franky's feelings.

"Yohohoho! I don't have a stomach to start with! SKULL JOKE!"

Franky looks rather crestfallen at the unanimous rejections, drawing idle circles on the deck as his bottom lip juts out in a prominent pout.

"Don't worry, Franky. I'm going to keep the crew fed from now on," I promise. "Even if we go months without seeing another fish, or another island, we won't run out of food a second time. Even if we have to sail through Dead Blue ten times, we'll never go hungry again."

"Yahoo!" Luffy's voice says, and we all jump when he see that his head has rejoined us, even though his body's over on Pinkbeard's ship, his stretched neck bridging the two vessels.

"Dammit, Luffy, don't scare us like that," I sigh.

"You guys should come on over! Big Mam's gonna put on a banquet for us, she says!"

"I'll get out the Mini Merry," Franky says, hurriedly and wisely. It would _not_ be pretty if Luffy's strength runs out halfway as he tries to catapult us all over at once.

"I wanna ride the Mini Merry!" Luffy decides, and he lets his body snap over towards us like a rubberband, knocking the marimo over.

"Ow, Luffy..." Zoro groans, setting our troublesome captain back on his feet. I look at him and he grins back at me.

"I mean what I said, you know. I'm not gonna let us starve ever again," I promise once more.

"You don't have to say it, Sanji. You're our cook, aren't you?" Luffy says cheerfully.

"Yeah, but look what a mess I made of things this time," I reply apologetically.

"But you did do a good job, Sanji," Luffy says innocently. At my questioning look, he elaborates, "Y'know, with planning the rations so it would all work out."

His words make my heart swell with pride and gratitude, but more to the point... "So you do know what rationing is, you little -"

"Oh! There's the Mini Merry!" Luffy exclaims, and before I can catch him, he's already cannoned away onto the tiny craft.

Zoro shrugs commiseratingly at my exasperated look. "Luffy," he says, shaking his head, as if that one word means everything, can explain anything. And, between the two of us, it does.

* * *

By the time we clamber on board Pinkbeard's ship, the tables have already been set, and Nami-san introduces us to "Big Mam", a huge woman with tiny eyes and a hook nose under a pink shock of curly hair, who clasps each of us to her ample bosom, welcoming us as friends of her daughter, exclaiming about how we must have suffered in Dead Blue and tutting over how skinny we all look. I note with appalled interest her double-chin, which is covered in pink stubble. Much as I regret to speak ill of any lady's appearance, in all honesty I can't describe her as an attractive woman. As if to make up for her lack of beauty, she's bone-crushingly strong, and we all suffer through her hugs in pained silence. All except for Zoro, that is, for he somehow manages to escape to a distant corner of the ship. In any case, our suffering is soon forgotten with the arrival of the food.

I could cry when I see Big Mam's cooks emerge from their galley, bearing dishes piled high with every kind of delicacy. I glance around at the crew and I see they're all as excited as I am. "NI-KU! NI-KU!" Luffy chants, bringing a big grin to my face. It's annoying, but I've missed it. Before long the chant is silenced, replaced by all the usual sounds of a Strawhat meal, Luffy's arms darting all over the table as he shovels plate after plate of food down his throat while the rest protest. Usopp, Franky and Brook are no more dignified, gobbling down their food even as they defend their plates against Luffy. "Remember not to eat too fast, everybody, or you'll get sick!" Chopper squeals, even as he devours a plate of vegetables at record speed. The ladies, of course, eat as daintily as ever, but I can see how much they're enjoying the full meal as they chat with Big Mam, evidently already great friends.

I sit down at the table and pick up my fork and knife, heaving a sigh of pure relief as I watch my nakama eat.

Then I realise that I've only counted seven. One's missing.

I look around for a thatch of marimo hair and finally spot Zoro nestled in a quiet corner, sleeping away. Damn it, can't the man even wake up for his first food in a month?

Somewhat annoyed at being dragged away from my food, I get up and go over to him and nudge him with my foot.

"Oi, marimo, food's ready."

Zoro yawns sleepily. "What makes you think I wanna eat?"

"Zoro, you haven't eaten for _twenty-nine_ days!"

"Twenty-nine, right? I said I wanted to see if I could go a full month without eating. I'll eat tomorrow."

He's impossible. Completely out of his mind.

I have only one weapon against his imbecility.

"If you don't eat...I won't eat."

He opens his eyes and glares up at me. "What? Why?"

"I'm not gonna lose to you," I say, hoping he'll forget the fact that I did have something to eat nine days ago. "If you're not eating till tomorrow, then I'm not eating either."

My stomach apparently disagrees with my threat, because it makes an angry noise of protest.

Zoro smirks. "Suit yourself."

"Dammit! Zoro!"

"Zoro! Sanji!" Luffy bounces over, a whole shank of beef in his rubber mouth, his stomach already spilling over his shorts. "What're you two doing here? The food's over there!"

"Trying to persuade this prize idiot to eat," I snap.

"Eh? Zoro, why don't you want to eat?" Luffy goes round-eyed.

"I've got a challenge to meet," Zoro replies.

I get an idea. "Oi, Luffy, order him to eat."

"Huh? Okay. Zoro, you've gotta eat."

Zoro shoots me a dirty look, and explains, "I'll eat tomorrow, Luffy. Just leave me alone, okay?"

"Captain's orders," I prompt.

"Captain's orders!" Luffy parrots.

"You're a bastard, you know that?" Zoro says to me, getting to his feet, but since he doesn't put up any more fuss, I think he's more ready to eat than he'll let on. Luffy happily leads us back to the table, having swallowed his beef whole, and reaches for another.

We settle down in front of a whole turkey, and I wonder whether it's spoils from the Marine ship. Not that I give a damn, as I cut a leg for Zoro and some breast meat for myself. Zoro accepts the drumstick and starts chomping stolidly.

I relax at last. It's over. Everyone's getting fed, we're going to get more supplies, we'll have a full larder again.

Nobody's going to starve.

Nobody's going to die.

Thank God.

I spear myself a slice of turkey. It tastes like heaven.

"You realise what this means," Zoro says conversationally.

"What what means?" I ask through a full mouth.

"I'm gonna have to do this all over again sometime."

The man is certifiably insane. "If you ever try to pull a stunt like that, I swear, I'll get Chopper to put you in a straitjacket and forcefeed you myself!" I say. At least, that's what I plan to say, but the moment I open my mouth, I choke as the turkey slides down the wrong pipe. I cough and splutter for breath.

It would be just my luck to escape starvation, only to choke to death on my first real meal in a month.

A fist bashes into my back twice and the food slips down my windpipe. After a few frantic gasps I realise that I can breathe again.

"Oi, oi, you shouldn't talk while you're eating," Zoro says. Like the lout's any authority on table manners!

I look between him and my plate, debating which turkey to use my knife on.

I cut myself another slice of the latter.

There'll be time enough to kick the shit out of the idiot marimo after lunch.

--- END ---

* * *

**Author's Note: **Couldn't resist throwing in a bit more Zoro+Sanji to round everything off! Well, that's all, folks! I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it. For those of you who were wondering when the angst was going to start, um, sorry?

**SPOILER ALERT** - I was going to call Lola's mother "Moma", but since Chapter 581 named the last of the four Yonkou "Big Mam", I decided they were probably one and the same person (lots of people have speculated Lola's mother is the last Yonkou) so I used that instead. If she does turn out to be captain of the "Pinkbeard Pirates" in canon, I'm going to laugh so hard. After all, there's already a Whitebeard, Blackbeard and now a Brownbeard...

Now onto acknowledgments! No fanfic author writes in a vacuum, and that's certainly not the case with this fic. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, particularly those who've supported and sustained this fic all the way through. Special thanks, too, to all those who gave suggestions, and to other authors whose fanfics inspired particular pieces of this. Hopefully, I managed to acknowledge you adequately in individual chapters. Most of all, thanks to dandy wonderous, who not only inspired the fic in the first place, but who managed to write even more reviews than I have chapters. Thanks dandy! And of course, my #1 debt is to Oda, for creating the wonderful world and characters of One Piece!

Thanks all! Let me know what you think of this chapter, too! Bye!


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